Seed NewsvineSo one day I bought a pair of paintball gloves for my 8 year old son Declan. Now a pair of gloves for a kid is easy to find. But a pair of paintball gloves for an 8 year old? ... those are hard to find, very hard. So I found this specific pair and then got myself a matching adult pair. He had them a week and then they vanished. I was hurt and I was upset. Sure it was just a pair of gloves but I put so much effort in finding them and he lost them inside a week. It made no sense too as they were for paintball, not for playing in the snow or gardening.
I blamed him and scolded him verbally about it for some time. When he would ask for something special I'd remind him that he lost my trust in his ability to keep things so I held back from time-to-time. Those gloves became a reason for talking about responsibility and how he failed me in that area.
He remembered. All these years he remembered. And for the most part, so did I.
Well, I should have given the reason those gloves vanished more thought. After all, other things in our house vanished too. Things that didn't belong to Declan. From brand new DVD movies to office supplies and home furnishings like a lamp or wall fixture that had yet to be mounted. It was weird.
Then my divorce came along. Three years of battling for custody. My ex - whom had raised Declan from diapers wouldn't even as much as talk to him. It hurt. She hid behind the fact we were in court as an excuse never to speak to him. I won't even bother to tell you how I feel there and the mental anguish he went through. If nothing else, my children and I ... our bond became stronger. I'm sorry... I'm straying from the point.
Well as the battle of custody ended my ex-wife and I begin to repair many would-be burned bridges. As always I was the one to offer the olive branch. I explained that Declan still loved her because children only know how to love parents no matter how cruel they are. Of course she would argue she was never cruel. Tell that to a child that saves a blanket for years she bought him as his last gift ever received from her.
So as the summer after our court battle has ended goes on I suggest Declan visit with her in her new home because at some point we need to do what is right for the children. I explain that despite my feelings for her, Declan was innocent and deserved to feel loved. She agrees. The trip goes well. She and I overcome some hurdles in the summer and things go from good to bad and back to good again. During this good phase we both agree to another weekend trip for Declan to go along with his younger brother to her new home in another state. It's three hours away. The weekend goes well.
The weekend comes to a close and I pick up my son at the halfway point. On the drive home Declan and I are talking. He brings up the past. My now 12 year old son turns to me and says, "Dad, remember those gloves?" I knew what he meant immediately. "The paintball gloves? Yeah." He continues..."Remember how you were so upset at me for losing them?" I answer, "Yes."
"Well, Dalton was wearing them this weekend."
My jaw dropped. A wave of guilt and and anger flooded my senses. I felt so mad at myself and guilty for blaming my son for losing them when I should have known she took them. But how could I at the time? I mean, I knew she took computer items and tools from the house. I knew she was taking things from our home for her own use and what not. I thought she was giving these things to friends or putting them to use at an investment home we both owned which she would never let me into... (don't question why - this is just the type person she turned into). But how could I think for a moment she would want a cute little pair of gloves? And believe me these gloves were cute. They were finely crafted. They were not a pair of mittens or soft knit disposables. They had character to them.
Still, why would she want them? For whatever reason she did take them. There was no disputing it now. Declan told me he and another young boy saw them even recognized the gloves as paintball gloves. Very specific gloves.
Now for me these gloves had sentimental value. A day goes by and I thought about it a lot. Finally I called her. I began by explaining to her what they were and how Declan had noticed them. I then explained the most important point and that was how for all these years Declan had been blamed for losing them and that we both remembered them. I closed my point saying, "Obviously Declan can't wear them now and I want Dalton to have them but can you now at least send them back with Dalton next time he comes home, he's with me 5 days a week anyway."
She immediately attacked me and I felt like was back in my marriage again. How dare I ask for something that was mine, or in this case didn't belong to her.
She didn't let up, "You got the blender and toaster and...blah blah blah" I couldn't get a word in edgewise. All I could say was, "You're attacking me?"
She went on until she got so worked up she hung up. I recall her yelling at me over the phone that a neighbor of hers gave Declan a load of clothes. I'm thinking to myself "Yes XXXX your neighbor was gracious and you are taking credit for it." If only your neighbors knew the side of you I have experienced. Then... I thought about it. To what end will it serve now? I said nothing to her. I opened my mouth and should not have. So after a few minutes of thinking I texted her this:
XXXX forget about it. I should have known you'd react that way. YOU HAVE MORE MONEY AND EVERYTHING. Don't give me a single pair of gloves I bought for my son. I don't expect you to understand. XXXX The gloves have sentimental value. It' something you will obviously never understand. It is not about money. THAT IS YOUR GOD.
After that I put my phone down and ignored the next 5 texts she sent in response. At a glance I could see she wasn't offering them back, let me put it that way. So I didn't bother to read them or continue the conversation.
It's strange how the little things in life affect us. There is little good that came out of this. Declan took blame for years. Asking her for a pair of gloves back after years was clearly a dumb mistake, and now I'll live with knowing I should have just believed my son all those years ago.
Yes, I've been giving him hugs he can't explain lately. He'll have to get used to it. Meanwhile Declan and I can be happy that Dalton gets to use those gloves, and as strange is it may sound to you, I just wish I was the one to hand them down to him instead of thinking back on how hard I was on my son Declan for something he had not done.
