To my casual readers you should know I'm divorced.  I'm single, at least in the term that I'm not married again.  How single I am is my business but suffice it to say I'm single.

Today I'd like to visit the topic of single women in the dating realm.  Here is the situation.  For whomever I'm seeing, I don't overdose on seeing them.  The reason is simple.  In my life my children come first and my own needs come second.  It isn't that difficult to explain.   This means any time I set aside for going out comes after my children's needs are met.  But to the people that meet me for the first time, they don't know that.  They just see a guy that appears to be single... if I'm not in the company of a woman.

For instance... The other night my children are away visiting with their respective mothers.  What do I do?  Ahh the quiet! LOL.   I put my K2'S, skate over to blockbuster to return a movie, skate down to the park and skate around it.  Then I skate a few miles down the road and pick up a chocolate milk.  Skate to the gym and get in a workout.  Take some time out by the pool to cool off and back on the road.  It's approaching 7pm and I figure I'll hit McGlynn's for a bite to eat and watch some of the Phillies game. 

Now this seems like an innocuous evening right?  Well, first off let me tell you that women do in fact objectify men as much as any man sees a woman dressed scantily as an object.  Stopping on a bench in the park to rest and read, a woman sits down next to me and chats me up. Yes she asked me what I was reading.  She wasn't my type so I pulled a page from the ladies handbook on getting rid of guys.  I said, "my girlfriend and I come here to skate a lot."  She felt obliged to talk a few minutes more and I slipped off after making another park friend. Then at the drugstore for my milk...  "You skated here?" Came from behind me in line.  This lady was really pretty but again for reasons I won't go into... I ended a five minute conversation the parking lot explaining my expanded Bear park skate brought me two miles down the road to Walgreen's for the milk she pretended not to notice, and that I was meeting friend for dinner.  Again... the tactful blow off.   The gym and pool are the only place I'm left to my own devices.  Ironic eh?

Now I skate over to McGlynns.  Yes my self esteem got a boost but I wasn't stuck on myself by no means.  I began thinking with amusement...  Am I giving off some attractive odor today?  I silently made jokes about myself to myself until I arrived at the restaurant.  I step out of my skates and grab the nearby corner bar stool close to the TV where I can have dinner and watch the Phillies beat up on the Nationals.   To my left are two empty stools, to my right is a single empty stool.   A couple are talking to a friend about their boat and retirement plans to the right of the empty stool.  They leave and the one guy is left to see what takes place with me. He comments to me later.  I order a blackened mahi mahi.  The game is about to start.  I'm happy.  Dumb and happy you could say as I'm ignorant to what is about to happen.

Two ladies come up behind me to the left apologizing for sneaking through to order drinks and food for the patio.  They are speaking loudly and eventually I laugh at the slipped expletives.  They both smile at me.  I don't think much of it.  The game is beginning.  They leave.  Another two ladies take the empty seats.  They too are talking in a manner in which it seems they want me to hear them.  Eventually I comment on their conversation with my succinct opinion, "The answer is always simple.  You move on."  Her friend spins around, "That is what I've been trying to tell her for a year!"  They now are firing questions away at me left and right.  I apologize explaining I came to watch the game.  They see my skates at my feet, "That's cool." More questions fly.  I pull out my favorite conversation killer,  "It's my night off from the kids...  I just wanted to get out, get a bite to eat and watch the game."  I can tell the one is interested in me and her wing-woman is doing the legwork.... And she was pretty.  I figured the well placed, "It's my night off from the kids..." would end any further discussion conveniently becoming distracted by a new conversation to my right.  The other girls come back from outside to my right now.  She starts chatting me up.  She's divorced etc... Everyone is separated or divorced.  From little league mothers to women in bars... It seems everyone has been married and divorced.  Every woman has a child and every one of them thinks their ex-husband was the soul reason for divorce.  As a man, you learn to accept this in women. You don't ask why, but you do listen VERY carefully for any contempt towards men as you listen to a divorced woman speak.   I hate divorce.  I tell her. And while I didn't attack her dignityI practically insulted her for saying she was divorced. I even went as far to say, "You couldn't have just stayed with him for the kids?"   I make a mental note to be careful about my position on divorce with women.  At least in regards to my real opinion.  

We talked on a bit.  Nice eyes and endearing smile.  The cynic in me started asking... She isn't divorced for no reason.  Some guy was tossed aside because he didn't help with the dishes or worked long hours or something not worth divorcing over.  I was sure of it.  I was wrong.  Eventually she asked me how old I was. I was stunned.  I came here to eat dinner.  The guy that was talking to the couple about boats and retirement says to me "You are in the hot seat tonight pal."  I answered him.. "I should go out minding my business more often."

She broke away breifly while I ate. I bounced between conversations as women flanked my left and right. What an odd evening...  She comes back again now is talking to me without pause.  This is when she says..."How old are you?"  With my fork in hand and my mouth half full I process the deeper meaning of her question.  Like a dumb ass I say to her aloud... "You like me don't you?" Admittedly, I put her on the spot. "I wouldn't be her talking to you if I didn't." She answered with a smile. 

And here guys is some legendary advice that seems to escape logic with most all of us every time we are interested in a woman that is NOT interested in us.  Here it is... A woman is interested in you when she is talking to you, not when you are talking to her.  And this life lesson can't be any simpler. You could be a 15 year old boy at the high school dance or 50 year old man in the grocery store line.  If a woman is interested, she will let you know. 

All the talking eventually lead to her offering me her number.  I took it as it would have been an absolute insult not to have taken it because I threw out the usual red flags including talking about my boys and she remained unfazed.  Now as a single man that is NOT married, I have to say that being unmarried makes you fair game.  How many women have had men give them their number, or a card and asked "Call me sometime" essentially knowing that a call will never come but she will be gracious and take your number.  I'd like to think women have this jar they keep in their bedrooms where all the numbers and cards they get from men wind up as a trophy case of sorts. It would be like a jar of captured souls. LOL  For us men, I must say it is simply flattering to have a woman write her number down on paper and place it in your hand no matter how fiercely independent you are.

I notice from a momentary open door that nightfall has come.  I didn't intend to let the sun go down before skating home and I excuse myself.  She leaves me to put my skates on and as if I had some sort of magical attraction for the evening a previous pair comes up, "Do you need a ride? I heard you say have to skate home in the dark."  I declined thinking... Somebody is putting me on tonight.  I mean it. I was damn near certain a joke was on me. 

I skated off and up the road in the dark.  I watched the rest of the game at home relaxing on the couch thinking...What the hell just happened?

Now in classic style of me just thinking far too much by half, I couldn't watch the game in peace.  I pieced together my evening.  Each place I landed someone was chatting me up.  Each place I was basically hit on.  When did women in Delaware become so outgoing?  When did women become so outgoing?   When did I become attractive? LOL  I say that with a laugh but I did roll over in my mind...  Is it really when you don't look or need something it becomes available?

When I was married, I caught looks which flattered me but frankly I was content with what I had.  I remember other things that I won't mention as I prefer to keep my private life private.  For all I've said here,  I've told you nothing.   Back to my point...  women seem to have a very particular method in desire.  They want what they can't have.  They want you when you don't show interest, or obvious interest and they certainly flirt more than men.    Women want to be objectified when they want it and only when they want it otherwise you are a shallow pig.  This may be a double standard, but we men know that is how it works and we know enough to accept it.  When they don't want you to desire them for their fine choice in shoes or blouse or even exposed assets, then the only thing they expect from you is respect.   The rules of attraction can be tough on men. 

This one night out on my own I got a crash course on being objectified.  I learned more about how women flirt and I learned once again that the best way to live is to just innocently embrace life.   

But most of all I learned what I had already known for years.  If a woman likes you.  She'll make it obvious. 

This was a fascinating night to myself.