How many friends do you have in your "circle of friends"?  I think about mine and how in the past two years mine seems to be ever expanding.  From the people I've met in Manhattan on my trips there, to the friends I've made through little league, to the ....ahem.. friends I've made at the local park across the street from my home.  Then there is my existing network of friends and how they all cross paths.  It's such a small world.  There are other friends I've met from other social outlets but I'll stop there, you get the point.

I think of so many sayings about friends and I've come to realize no matter the friend you have, we seem to limit ourselves to how much time we give to select friends.  I suppose that is why many of us marry.  I've learned that the best I can give a woman is my time, not my friendship.  Which for some go hand in hand, but frankly in this modern world, the word friend is a blur and to many people time is all they need from you.  You could say that some friends mistake time for friendship. 

Let's say a friend visits me. They don't need me to do anymore than be a good listener, confidant and kind soul.  To this end I'm a friend and my time is a commodity.  With too many friends... how much can I give?

I'm a man that values the time I have to myself.  I out-right covet it.  When I was married, I sold out. (I won't got there as that story is so annoying to bring up let alone think about.)   So few of us can do that (sell out) and get away with it.   My close friends get to know me.  They know my true values, my desires and if they are real lucky my actual weaknesses.    Hell... I remember one date once where I told a girl the slightest hint of my life and she thought I was opening up too much.   That was the end of talking about myself on dates. LOL  That could be an article to itself. :)

In the end, how much of yourself do you need to give to a circle of friends to be appreciated and satisfied? 

While I will admit that when I was married I played my fair share of paintball, I could still skate in the park, I managed a little league team and more... the fact is unless you have someone that balances you out, it is impossible to give much of yourself to anyone while you living a life for yourself.  Inside a close relationship, you live a life of consideration, balance and denial.  

A single life...  Yes.. that means being selfish.  I've often said I'm a rugged intellectual and it takes a brave soul to know me now.  But isn't that anyone that is single?

I think the answer is that when you marry or begin a relationship with someone important to you, it is a life of denial or better explained as a time where you redefine yourself.  No offense, but I've met FAR too many women that will not make that sacrifice while expecting it of a man.  BALANCE.  It comes hard.  It is not easy.  

So you live within the circle of friends you have that appreciate you for what you do give.  They support you to the level you need them to, and they observe your boundaries with grace and dignity. 

Hey... I'm a single full time father of two boys.  They could be chick magnets if I wanted to use them as such.  But the reality is that for me as a man you hardly ever meet, I put them first, me second and everyone else after.  Very few women compete with that, right after my youngest wins them over with his own brand of cuteness.  For all that cute...  women don't take kindly to competing with it.   For me I have to play on my own terms and that form of selfishness is something I'm at peace with. 

You've seen me write it before,  A woman is God's most beautiful creature.  I love women for all their beauty in the many forms it flows from a woman.   But I have learned that everything has it's place.   Love breaking it's way inside a circle of friends is a hard word.  Balance comes very hard.  Some call that true love.  And that comes along like a dart thrown in the night hitting it's mark by pure blind luck.   If you have to live on those terms... you better simply live selfishly and let love push it's way through the door.   Love needs to earn it's way just like everything else.  So many of us have lost sight of that or never learned it and that is a big reason so many of us divorce.  I don't even want to touch that story. 

Your circle of friends... they don't owe you a thing.  You live your life dancing seamlessly with your circle of friends.    The only thing you have to do is remember you have them.