I got this e-mail today.  It's not the first time I've had someone e-mail me about helping others going through divorce.  Last week it was a young girl dealing with a blame shifter. 

God in heaven, I'm happy to help people.  This letter is a major affirmation that my words do help and I'm grateful to God that I've had the ability to articulate words that help people move into action.

To Lars Hindsley –

 

I just felt compelled to write you to thank you for the thread you posted about a man’s guide to surviving divorce. My wife and I were married for 13 yrs together for fifteen and have three beautiful children. The oldest is not biologically mine but has called me dad since he was 2.  We had an amazing rollercoaster ride of a marriage that survived infidelity financial ruin, but also had some awesome times. We were separated for almost six months before she moved back in to try again. Two weeks before this last Christmas, she said she “loved me, but wasn’t in love with me” love that line. I had her moved out two days before Christmas and in her new place. For the first two months I was obviously devastated and completely shell shocked. I’d done, and I’m still doing a lot of self evaluation, and thought I had a good grip on how to relate to her and make our marriage what I’d hoped it could be. She said it was “too late”, go figure.

 

I found you thread, printed it out and read it religiously sometimes four or five times a day. I am currently learning the process of convert my old “doormat” self into the self-respecting confident man I used to be. Like you I guess I was too blinded by love to see what was happening. I’ve never been good at defining my boundaries and even worse at keeping them. I have honestly examined all of the things that I did to contribute to the demise of the marriage, as I can only control what I do, not what she does.

 

We are still on friendly terms even with her new, younger, boyfriend which in my personal opinion is proof to her inability to be by herself, but whatever..not my life. I am alone and will stay that way until I learn to be comfortable there. I don’t have many friends, but have focused a lot of time to my kids and some of my interests like golf.  I still have some dark times, but when I do I reread your thread.

 

Just thought you might like to know that if your goal was to help/reach one person with your advice, you did. I still have hope, and that’s ok, but I have already made it clear that she will be the one who initiates any reconciliation and it won’t be to get back what we had, but rather what it could be. But in the meantime I move forward. My hope in regards to her is this: I will move forward, and I hope she catches up. If she doesn’t, I guess it wasn’t meant to be but it will never change the person I am working so hard to become. The me I can love again, with all of my good and all of my bad.

 

Thank you again,

 

Mxxxxxx Gxxxxxxxx

Dear MG

I didn't write what I wrote for kicks.  I wrote it as a lifeline and a true means of help.  I am writing a book which I've been at for some time and do intend ot have it published.  Your words motivate me to continue on with one goal.  To help people recapture who they are and become stronger in the process. 

It is easy to love someone.  It is hard to fine someone that will love you. 

I've been thinking about that saying for days and weeks now.  I can only think it and say it as I have a strong sense of self-worth.  Until you reach that point, love is of no use.  Get back to you friend.