So... I've got this big lump.  Scary as hell.  I've got a doctors appointment but in pre-screening they say....

 How long you had it?  I say... You'd think a while as big as it is.  You may be thinking... "cancer".  Not me.  I'm SuperMan, I'm far too fit.  It wouldn't make any sense.

I'll let you know.  I don't think it's serious.  But it looks scary.  It feels hard as bone.  Maybe I'll take a picture for you when I find out it's nothing. :)