Here are some links you will find inspiring, informative and truly worthwhile.
Guys... I've tried hard to find sites that are not about being bitter, argue needlessly about feminism and so forth. But the fact is wow! A lot of men's sites show how pissed off they are over feminism. I just don't need that in my life and neither do you. Sure read some of it and get a perspective but then get back to reality. A good woman will want equal rights for women, but won't ram it down your throat. She'll obviously feel her sex could be treated better, but she'll take great joy in cooking you dinner in the same way you enjoy cooking for her. In short a good woman will seamlessly be a part of your life.
You can't love women if you are busy arguing with them! LOL
So please don't feel as you review these links I'm full on endorsing them. I think they offer great insight as to why YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
The Dads Who Fought Back (Yes a movie about dads fighting for the right to be dads)
Fathers For Life - This site really tries to stick to the issue of fixing things.
The Mirror of the Soul - A bit of an alpha male mentality but a strong attempt at honesty without malice
His Side with Glenn Sacks - Los Angeles California AM Talk Show dedicated to Men's Rights
Now while you are reviewing the links above, I found on one blog, these articles back-to-back. I couldn't help but think how so much in them is in me. The blog site is: The Men's View. You can see as you read these two posts, my point is made again and again. We as men and women should connect. Somehow this modern world has become harder for a man than is understood by women. It's getting harder to be a man in a mans world.
I read in one article this sad tidbit of information:
Family court judges issue two million temporary restraining orders a.k.a. protection from abuse orders every year, half are routinely extended, 85 percent are against men, and half do not include any allegation of violence but rely on vague complaints made without evidence.
The use of the word harassment in domestic violence definitions is borrowed from the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission's definition, which is based on the "effect" of an action rather than the action itself.
While researching, I also found this biting editorial that delineates the fears of men:
The ultimate risk for the husband is that his wife's resentment might lead to a divorce. In a situation where courts still favor wives in child custody situations, divorce for the husband can mean financial ruin and the loss of his children.
The question might better be asked, why would a young man want to get married now? Sex, apparently, is generally available. Companionship is also available, and buddies make far less emotional demands than wives do. Wives can no longer be expected to provide domestic comforts (e.g., good cooking) that men value but are generally not very good at providing for themselves. (Although I would suggest that most wives still do provide these comforts, but that feminism has taught them to do so with a sense of resentment).
The question might also be asked, why would a woman want to get married? She can make her own living. The police can protect her from the bad people. Life doesn't require that much heavy lifting anymore.
It seems that the only reason left to get married is to have children. This is not to be underestimated, since children give purpose in life, introduce new levels of love and affection, and still provide a degree of security in old age that cannot be provided by government programs or careful retirement savings. For men, though, there is the greater risk of losing those children through divorce.
This guy, Outcast Superstar has written a maifesto on WHAT DIVORCE LAW IS DOING TO MARRIAGE. It is long, it is detailed.
Goodbye to Romance
A divorced man is sometimes a better bet than a single man over 35?
A man outside my belief system is a good choice for marriage?
I want to be independent....oh, fuck that! I want to get married?!?!?
Yes, these are the rantings and ravings of a woman I almost married. We had very good natural chemistry and would have made a good couple. I'm glad I backed away when I did. One thing women did when they embraced sexual freedom and economic independence was they killed romance.
Men are naturally very romantic and will give enormous energy to the effort of pleasing a woman in every way. It's only the really stupid girls who give in easily to men who just want to fuck and move on. I meet so many women over the age of 35 who see in me a semi-traditional guy - somewhat romantic and above average in looks. They know I'm a published author and have seen my work in national magazines. Somehow, this turns them on....I wonder why...
Anyway, back to this woman I almost married. She is a complete pill - a total pain in the ass I will forever regret getting involved with her, but my heart, soul and body is attempting to override my brain. She really is a very good looking woman and very sweet, but I don't think I'll give in. You see, she is one of the independent types who are feminist when they want to be, traditional when they want to be. That doesn't work for me, but she is a very good flirt.
Still, if you know - I mean, really know - the woman will disappoint, there is no reason to romance her into a relationship. There is the temporary fun factor, I suppose, but little more beyond that.
I hope I can keep perspective, she is very creative.
Saturday
Growing Up Separate
More and more young people are growing up without men leading families. Sometimes "Dad" is present in the household, but very often divorce comes up, and he's not really in charge anyway.
I've spoken to some of my employees about this. They ask me what it used to be like in the "old days". I'm much older than my employees so I can tell them about the time before the 1970s. I can tell them how women were deferential and respectful to men. Men were seen as lords of their homes and they were generally very good to their wives. Sure there were abusive men, but there are just as many abusive people now as there were back then.
Now both boys and girls grow up in separate homes. Not all the time, but increasingly this is true. Lots of kids have their weeks with Mom and then a day or so at "Daddy's house". They feel that they were robbed of the experience of having a Dad. Their single mothers are off behaving stupidly after learning to live a Sex & The City lifestyle. They wonder where the devoted parents were.
I've had several younger guys latch on to me as a mentor and they ask me not only about sales, but about marriage, dating, money, everything. These are men starved for male leadership. Why is this? It's because the government is daddy now. The government doesn't give two shits about men, only about powerful people and women. Men are taught to be submissive, meek and gentle. Religion is absolute poison these days. Every social institution is about women and their feelings. Every weekend there is a march for Breast Cancer, Ovarian Cancer, Cervical Cancer, Sagging- Titty Cancer and who knows what else... why is everything so woman-centered these days?
We have many generations of men who have known nothing but a feminized and feminizing society and they are sick of it. When they meet someone like me who grew up in the old days, I tell them exactly how things used to be. I tell them there was a time when marriages were actually enjoyable. There was a wonderful dynamic between men and women that made dating and courtship an incredibly fun and wild experience. Now there is just animalism, hook-ups and trashy women. Relationships are more and more difficult. Men are losing their inherent power and becoming simply equals to women - with the added burden of 100% in divorce proceedings.
What this means is that men and women will continue to lead increasingly divided and independent lives. Christianity and Judaism are on board for this sick experiment in social engineering. The only faith that serves a patriarchal and traditional structure is Islam. In that religion, men mean something, they are necessary - unlike men in the West.
So we continue dealing with the women's revolution. They continue making horrendously bad choices and ruining the lives of themselves, men, and our children. Feminism has won and everything sucks. Bravo, Madame!
Unless of course you convert to Islam or just drop out of society, have fun, and stop caring...
I like the second option best.
Last year when I was first divorced, I needed time. I needed time to get over things. To put it all in perspective, I insist you read this article from beginning to end: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/femail/article.html?in_article_id=458832&in_page_id=1879. I found and read it in May of 2007 and it may be just as true today (almost a year later) but it doesn't affect me to read it as it once did. The only thing is now, I get a chuckle when I read near the end the part "Throughout the meal she keeps talking on her mobile phone (in Russian)." You have no idea how true that line is for me and how funny it is now. Oh... for so MANY reasons.
Isn't it sad that the one common thread to see if you are a man... is that we all get great advice after the fact? It's all tactical, how to win custody, how to win divorce... But those tactics are predicated on striking first, and once again I have to stand on a soap box here to say it ladies... because we men already know the answer.... We don't plan on divorce. We don't expect it, we don't feel the need to strike first. We don't strike first. We want to save love and marriage. Sadly women think, "I want out, I love this other guy, or my guy isn't making enough, or he doesn't love me the way he used to..." or many other reasons that usually are fixable or even dare I say it, your own issue or demon to address. The next guy will only pay the same price for you not having fixed the actual problem. You. No offense. We men get floored with divorce and by that time, a woman has lined up her tactics such as a false abuse allegation, or something that is clearly a perverted use of our legal system. So you see, men if they are angry or bitter, they do have a reason. And the catch themselves much of the way fighting against that emotion to refocus their energy where it is bes suited; their children. What I'm saying is not bravado, I've walked a mile in these shoes. In my first custody case (yes sadly my second time) my son's mother went as far as to say I wasn't his father after year in his life and well into our case. I cried as they stuck him with a needle to perform our DNA test as he cried from the physical pain. I promised him, "No son... don't cry, this is a good needle, I promise." The next two weeks were hell as I stood in my garden waiting to learn if I was what I already felt I was. I can't express the isolation I felt. It is utterly impossible to express. And when it was all over, I was pissed. And then I got ahold of myself fast reminding myself, "This is my son's mother. I may know what I think of her, my son won't." And NO my children don't read my blog. The used to view my photos but never read articles, now I've just changed it entirely and it's off limits. Back to my point... We men may get upset for rightous reasons. And we always get over it. We have to. For our own self-respect, for our children. For hope that our future can be made better, even if its a false hope.
Ladies, men have a right to be bitter when we see garbage such as this on websites proclaiming to women ending their marriage is as easy as saying, "I'm not happy, I want a divorce."
Make HIM Pay for Your Escape...
"Just acting on only one or two of the many tremendous tips in this wonderful book will save (or make) you thousands of dollars before, during and after your divorce!
This book gives you all the tools you need to get BIG ongoing payments from your husband and even make HIM pay for your escape from the marriage! WOW!
I have 3 daughters and Divorce Secrets will be required reading for them before getting married. Not because I want them to get a divorce, but simply because your book is the best resource I have ever seen for protecting women from the financial devastation they will face from a divorce.
Thank you so much Cathi!"
We men, and I'm speaking to the men now... Please find the positive. Despite that ugly testimonial above, you can't change the past. You can't change what your ex is. You have NO choice. The courts may take your children away for now.. but one day, the truth will come back to haunt others. You will be vindicated as your children don't just live until the age of 18. After that day, they are fully yours again. I know this can't give you the years back that you deserved. Precious times that you were fighting for in the first place. I feel your pain. Every ounce.
Remember complaining without a fix is wrong. There are countless sites out there mobilizing men to this cause. We can help fix this problem but only in numbers. We need a voice that can be heard.
You are not alone in having to move on as a single father. Bad happens to us all. Life is not fair and there will come a point where you just don't feel any emotion or conflict. You have a problem, you solve it. The kids benefit in the end. They have a strong father that is emotionally stable and there is not negative moral impact on them. You are not alone. Sadly, knowing the answers after the fact doesn't make you a whole family again. You can't do a thing after the fact, no one hands out The Manipulated Man the day you graduate high school! LOL (Great read but just a little joke at the end for levity).
Now free yourself of emotional conflict. I'm serious. It will provide you wisdom beyond your years. Trust me on this.
Why am I offering you all hope? Because I don't want you to become this...
http://www.fathersunite.org/New/Divorce_suicide_fathers_victims.htm
Part One: Single Fathers fighting for custody - Part One: Understanding Divorce
Part Two: Single Fathers fighting for custody - Part Two: Custody Battles affect on Men
