Second chances. Familiar with this term?  We all are.  What does it really mean?   It seems to mean different things under many circumstances.  It has a different perspective of course to the person asking and the person giving the second chance.  But does it have different meaning?

I don't think been in many second chance situations.    But I've had to offer many.   And I've had that term thrown at me countless times.  It is usually served up in tandem with "I've changed".  Dangerous words.

Folks, when that comes, you should damn well your second chance is not a second chance.  It's an opening to regain what was lost and that is all. 

And the meaning itself seems to have been twisted.   After all, we've even resorted to the term, many second chances. You know what I mean right?   How many of us have said, "How many second chances to I have to give you?" 

If you are like me, eventually you become a miser with your second chances.  They become a commodity.  There is only so many to be had with me and if you get one, it's the real deal now.

My advice to you today is to remember that you providing second chances to people in life, defines you.  It says a lot about you.  How many you give may say you are a forgiving person.  How few you give puts value on those chances and earns you respect.  Providing them willy-nilly means you can be easily duped or used.  

Consider how you give them.  Give some thought to the "second chance" you give.

Now if you are receiving a second chance, you should take it serious.  Because not everyone gives third chances and if you are sincere in your effort you will learn from what you did wrong and take the steps in your life to make sure it can't happen again.  Sounds easy right?  Let's consider it.  Let's say you stole something from a friend.  I had this happen in high school.  A buddy of mine (used that term loosely) stole my class ring. We shared the same birthstone and same graduating year so it made sense.   I was upset it was gone of course but let it fall from memory.  Then one day I'm at his house and on a piece of coral he used to lay jewelry on was my class ring.   I confronted him and he said he found it in his driveway.  I had to decide then and there.  Do I ever want this guy in my home again?  Do I give him a second chance to steal from me again?   This went beyond forgiveness.  I had to decide if I was going to risk or chance him being in my home or room again.   I ended my friendship with him quietly.  He was a long time friend too. But I knew on principal that he was what he was.  He later asked people why I stopped being his friend.  He got his answer eventually, a few years later from me, directly.  I told him I couldn't chance him taking things I couldn't replace.   He stole not just my ring but memories.  Girls wore my ring, I had even won a fight wearing it.  LOL.  It had sentimental value.  It was just a dumb ring to anyone else.  For me it marked a time in my life I could look back to and place myself in.   This time it was a ring, I didn't want it to happen again.

So it's been five years.  He asks forgiveness.  He's married now.  He says "I've changed."  Remember that term?  Yeah... it's part of that second chance thing.

We hang out couple times, he comes to see my band play and we laugh about things that used to bother us about each other as friends and so much more.  All water under the bridge right?  He's married now, matured...

Well, he asks to borrow a pair of speed skates.   I'll get them back in a couple weeks he says.  
I drop by his family’s home where he and his wife were living and he has up and moved to North Carolina.   I thought long and hard about our conversation on how I'd get my skates back in two weeks. 

I learned a lot from second chances then.  I suppose it was a sign of things to come for me.  It's why I always told women I dated and eventually my wife when I married, "If you ever cheat on me, don't you ever tell me. You won't get a second chance."  I recall telling my wife, "Go to your grave with guilt and make it up to me while married, but don't you ever tell me or you will mean nothing to me ever again."  Of course I didn't just arrive at this value based on a old friend stealing my class ring and then abusing a second chance by stealing my skates.  That would be silly.  No... I had other lessons in life too.  They added up.

I knew this to be true as I had two girlfriends in the past cheat on me and friends came to me with evidence of what happened.  I confronted one and never spoke to her again.  The other, I didn't even call for my clothes, my things left at her apartment, even some personal belongings such as some CD's and electronics.  I just never spoke to her again. 

Now let's not say I'm uptight either.  In one case many years ago, a friend was out with his wife to dinner and saw my girlfriend at another table with a guy.  He called me to tell me. I told him that it didn't matter much as she wasn't a good girlfriend anyway and that I was going to break up with her.  I had plans to return a broken printer to a store right near that restaurant so I said, "When I'm there and done, I'll call you. If she is still there, I'll swing by."  That was funny actually.  I ended up swinging by to confirm it was indeed her.   I sat at the table and said, "Did I catch you at a bad time?"  Personally I thought this was hilarious.  ...Yeah I know, not a second chance situation, but a good story for you all to read! LOL

Second chances are something we should all take serious, and some things you as a person need to decide in your life should ever merit a second chance.

I have a list of things in my mind.  I have some things I've learned never merit a second chance.  I'll be passing those life's lessons on to my children as they grow and hopefully they will learn what in life merits a second chance and the value of getting and giving them.