With all that is going on my life, I sometimes think folks may wonder what I'm ultimately hoping for. 

My goals today are the same as they were four years ago... they are the same as they were eight years ago.  Of course then, I had only one child...

My goal in life is to make certain when my sons grow up that I remain relevant and loved.   To do this, I have been a big part of my children's daily life.  My son often asks me questions, and I can never get tired of asking them.   Tossing a ball back and forth to each other is something you can't leave to some other father either.   These little things add up.

While I am especially proud that when my kids and I go skating or play sports with friends they see I'm good at sports too, I tell them always that I will be most proud when they can do everything I do better. 

Secretly I hope they go well beyond me.  I've had plenty of short-comings in my life and made mistakes that I know I can help them avoid.  Sometimes mistakes are good because you can learn from them and try and help your children avoid them.  I say that carefully.  I don't think making mistakes is something you should relish. 

Being a father is something I didn't just learn or adapt to overnight.   For many years I've been considering how short life is and how my legacy will be my children.  I had that epiphany when my first son was born.  I threw myself into fatherhood with more zeal and more love than any other action in my life. It's been a hell of a ride, one I can enthusiastically endorse to anybody wondering... "Is having a child a burden?"   While you can't up and go shopping or travelling as you could without the responsibility  of a child, it's a minor sacrifice I've hardly noticed since being a father.    I will ad this, your values should change after having a child.  I've learned that doesn't always happen.  If you are with someone that doesn't have strong family values before a child is born... I can't say they will have them after the child is born.   If you are with someone that for instance likes to travel, you have to ask yourself, if this person will leave you to all the parenting after the child is born, while they continue to travel without you.   I say this to anyone considering having a child.  Think it through.  A child deserves all the love they can get with no landmines to trip over later. 

Being a father or parent opens your eyes to the world.  You find that liberal points of view convert to more conservative thinking.  It's like you suddenly "get it".   Your rational matures overnight you could say.  It doesn't make you a stick in the mud, if you are cool, you will still be cool with a child.  Keep that in perspective.    What I have found and this should be obvious to anyone... is that children need a mother and father under one roof.   You as parents pull your resources, confide in each other, teach each other, offer each other patience, insight and love.   Your child sees all this in action and they become a better person.  I'm divorced now... that sucks.  But I've also learned that in some rare cases, divorce can be what is best for a child where it may not be best for parents.  Long story... but the fact is in my divorce I accepted my children were subject to poor treatment in their past.    Now my children are at ease at home, express love towards the family members left in this family unit and their mental health is better despite the change.    Had their been the love of two parents side by side, I can assure you their lives would be even better.    As it is now, I have to reinforce to my children that women are precious, they are good and that they must respect every girl they ever come in contact with.   It's a delicate line to walk.   It's not so hard for me, but I do have to make a conscious effort in maintaining their perception of women in a positive light.  It's not my perception that impacts them now... it was what they endured to get to this point I've had to work them through. 

Getting back to my earlier point of the things I had to watch out for with my first son as he grew.. When my son was a very small baby, I got advice from every angle. I soaked up what I could like a sponge.  One thing that I remember was how people gave me warnings.   "Be prepared for the terrible twos" etc...  So I would set up a mental model in my head to be ready. I wanted not only be ready but to know how I could make the best of it.  

I have a saying, "What the mind sees is where it moves."  You must set up mental models in life.  You can control your emotions; you can control your destiny by setting up mental models, not to be confused with "expectations".  A mental model is more than an expectation.  A mental model means you have framed your expectation emotionally.  It's a chosen set of beliefs that you are at peace with.   It is your intuition at work, not a mindless set up of hopes.   

By establishing my own mental models early on, I was able to control my emotions in unpredictable situations arising with my son, and eventually my second son.  I would road map the future a few months to a year ahead and for lack of better terms, research what happens for their age group.  I'd talk to friends, gauge their responses.  I'd read relative magazine articles, tune into shows about the subject of my son's age group.  I'd learn how to keep my house during the infant and toddler years.  Now I'm working on maintaining relevancy to my son as he approaches teenage.   

Do I have a game plan?  Yes.  The same one I've had for a long time.  To embrace fatherhood and enjoy it. Life is not a test drive.  You don't get very many second chances.  In many cases, you don't get second chances at all.   Let those words ring in the correct ears. 

Some people play games with the lives of children.  I say you take care of the children, and good things will happen.

All in all, I've never lost focus of my ultimate goal.  Everything else is details.