Today I read a great article in Men’s Health magazine and had to sound off on my own.  It was about men being the “P” word around women.  What I’d like to discuss is more specific.  What are you afraid of?

This is not a men's only article today.   

Is it wrong for any of us to be afraid of anything?    When you were young what were you afraid of? Was it the bully in your neighborhood or school?  Perhaps it was being hit by a pitched baseball, or worse yet, someone lying about you.  For me it was two out of those three. 

PRINCIPALS

I had a kid in my neighborhood named Tommy.  He was much older and he always rounded up everyone to play games or sports in the neighborhood.  I didn’t like him for being such a bully and I rebelled at every turn.  He in turn beat on me.  I recall one time in a sandlot baseball game a ball was hit by me and he snapped at me.  I felt like... "he’s not my father or brother, he can’t talk to me like that."  So I threw my mit down.  He was pissed.  Tommy ran to the outfield and punched me out. I went crying home and my father was soon at his house and boy was he pissed.  I had not one but two black eyes and a swollen cheek.  In today’s world Tommy would have been arrested.   But back then, Tommy just continued to be an ass and I remember later being assaulted by him and four others; another story never to be spoken of.  I always stood my ground and it always cost me.   Me and my damn principals.  And there you go.  That was what I was afraid of, compromising my principals. It wasn't the bully I was afraid of in reality.  I was afriad that if I gave into the bully, I gave up my principals.   

I wasn’t afraid of being hit by a pitched baseball in little league that was for sure.  I think at one point I just said to myself, “Expect to be hit by every pitch ...here it comes!”  And I stopped worrying about it.

LIES

The second thing in fact was lies.  I remember a girl named Heidi.  It was second grade.  She was my first girlfriend.  She announced it as such anyhow.  I was happy.  We never really talked, second grade is strange for boy friends and girlfriends... you really never are boyfriend and girlfriend; it’s just said because you like each other.  That’s how I understood it because one day... she told everyone she didn’t like me.  Her brother met me off the bus and punched me in the face.   Yep... getting hit was common for me when I was a kid.  So my parents were not home and I told my brother what happened to me.   This was the day I learned to love my brother.  He went to her townhouse, called out her brother and beat the hell out of him.  At the door her brother said, "Your brother hit my sister!" My brother looked at me for second and didn't even have to ask.  "My brother did not hit your sister!"  They shouted at each other. I remember my brother saying, "If he hit her, where?" She just stood there. She said nothing.  Soon after I remember my brother saying, "You want to hit someone, try someone your own size."  After that I remember him grabbing him out of his front door and laying into him.  Of course Heidi never spoke to me again, but I was OK with that.  My brother loved me.  I was in second grade, the only thing I really cared about was my brother not wanting to throw toys at me that day.  Instead he protected me.   My brother is gone now, but this was the brother I try to remember.

Then I got more of why Heidi’s brother punched me in the first place.   The next day on the bus everyone threw things at me and called me horrible names.  Not only did she tell her brother; she told everyone I hit her. I’m thinking... “Hit her? I don’t even know her!”  I mean she was my first girlfriend that I never even met!  Rough way to be introduced to love!  But I was really hurt because so many kids were thinking I did something I didn’t.   It was the beginning in my life of a problem I had.  I never wanted anyone to lie about me and get away with it.  You can see I’m like that to this day.  Which brings me to today.  Sorta... last winter I had some jerk in my drive way spouting off things about me in front of a county officer (worse yet, my sons!)  Two of the things were true which didn't need repeating.  A certain someone who knew me better than anyone else told him.  But they also fed him lies, to which he was now oh so willing to repeat for neighbors and this police officer to hear.  The officer made him leave and we got to talking afterwards.  The officer said to me... “Why do care what I think?”  I answered. “It’s how God made me. I’m not a bad person. Why would I want you to think less of me?”  He then says, “If it’s not true what do you care what I think?”  I answered with a laugh... “You’re a county cop! Why wouldn’t I care?!”  He smiled.   Now here is why it mattering, had substance folks...

Later that county police officer was called to testify in a court case that cleared my own parents of false charges.  Folks... the truth matters.  When he saw me that day outside the court room, we both agreed.  The truth matters.  So for me, I’ve learned to be afraid of lies. Lies about me are what I admit I’m afraid of.

But I look at my life and realize the things I fear have changed too.

For instance I am afraid of the water and sharks.  My worst fear is to be bit or eating by a shark.  The movie Jaws did that to me. It was 1975 and I still remember standing outside the theater in Wilmington with my father at my side... the line was huge... I was ten years old.  I couldn’t even go into the deep end of a pool after that movie.  

In my lifetime the things I’m afraid of have been serious and slight. 

And my dear readers... I would NEVER reveal my most true fears here. I’m not a fool.  The things I’ve spoken of here are for conversational purposes.  I would never come here and let anyone that wanted to screw with me know my Achilles heal.  

Which is my next point.  Never confide in anyone your deepest fear.    The only person or persons I’ve had to tell were doctors.  You should do the same.  Why? My closing point...

No one can hurt you like the ones you love.  They say keep your friends close and your enemies closer.... well, remember that only your friends can hurt you the most.  I’ve learned that lesson well.  I’ve learned that my best friends and even my lovers were the ones I would never reveal my most trusted secrets.  I'm not saying don't open up and refuse to love someone but love can change to hate in what seems a heartbeat.  I've seen it first hand.  Not sharing your fears doesn't make you less open or closed off.  It just means some things are better left unsaid.

For instance, three years ago I had an employee that I considered a friend.  During a separation from my ex he wanted me to do some things that were not illegal but nothing a husband could be proud of.  He insisted I was single for the time being and could do as I please.  I played it bashful and said no.  Sure I was interested but had I done anything I wasn’t proud of, he could hurt me later.  Sure enough there came a day when he too did something to cross me.  He was stealing money from my company.  I thought to myself, “He would have done me in if he could and he would have tried to use any mistake I ever made around him to save his own ass.”  I knew there was a reason I remained a boy scout around him.  I knew I had protected myself from any indignation or blackmail for that matter.

And yes... best of all I had my self respect.  But the point of this story what are you afraid of... is that you should know what your demons are, otherwise you can’t overcome them.   

So I ask you, What are you afraid of?