Her name was Lisa Butler.  She was Italian, but fair skinned.  She had a real short Sheena Easton hair cut and look to her. She was about 5 years my senior and very much a dignified but sexy woman.  She was classy in every way.  She drove a Volkswagen Passat and her cloths were always from the finest of shops.  I had a terrible crush on Lisa.  And she was married. 

I worked in cellular back in the days when phones sold for thousands of dollars each.  I was 23 years of age.  Lisa was about 27.   She worked a full time job I recall but part time hours in the Concord Mall.  I had to work a few part time hours each week there too but I hated it.  I felt like I was in a cage.  To pass the time I once told her that the girls in my office loved my shoulder massages and I'd give her one just for laughs and to ease the tension of standing around.  In what seemed only a few weeks I was able to dictate to my boss how I wanted to work and the mall was out.  But in that time I made friends with Lisa.  We always chatted about the better things in life and she of course called me cute, but never took me serious.  Or so it seemed. 

About a year later we were fast friends.  She complained about her marriage but carefully.  She never called her husband a bad guy, and frankly I never heard her actually talk him down.  She was just unhappy.  Sex was definitely a problem I recall.  Me at 23, I was very much as sexual creature but I was also a guy that believed in God.  Yeah, a paradox. 

So one night Lisa and I had a date.  A friend date.  ....LOL or so it seemed...  I remember she met me at the gym club.  No, not the YMCA, it was a gym club.  Kinda exclusive and cool to be seen at.  She gets there early and catches me coming out of the racquetball court on my way past the front desk to the showers.  She was dressed to the nines.   She had a sparkle in her eye and a radiant aura about her.  No doubt I still had my crush.  However the reality of my feelings towards her had to remain platonic and I channeled any sexual desire I had for Lisa into a pride of just being around her and seen with her.

Now don't ask me how I remember this night so well.  I don't.  I do remember everything I'm telling you well however. 

I remember Lisa and I driving in my jeep.  The top down, the warm air of the night didn't bother us at all.  She still kept her hair short.  Always perfect, always radiant.   Her skin was so perfectly soft looking with high cheeks and eyes that could dazzle any man if she decided to flash them at you.  I found it odd that Lisa wanted my company.  After all I was younger than her, but I was a go-getter.  She liked that in me I remember.  I was outspoken and idealistic.  I was a dreamer and hopelessly romantic.  We laughed and talked of times that we wished we lived in, places we wanted to go and how our lives seemed to be cruel for not allowing us to have known each other differently.  We had dinner and eventually wound up at my place. 

We sat at the edge of my bed.  I was supposed to turn the TV on but we ended up just sitting there.  As good friends now I didn't have to pretend anything with Lisa.  I was giving her a shoulder massage like I used to and I recall the conversation getting slower and more serious.   I stopped massaging Lisa's shoulders and moved around her to be by her side.  We caught a stare that meant a whole lot more than friendship.  And we stayed there in that moment for what seemed a full minute.  We were close.  I wasn't just sitting next to Lisa. . We were touching. 

And then it happened.  It wasn't a train of thought.  I was just one thought.  Lisa is married.  If I kiss her now, we'll have sex.  I couldn't do that to her husband.  I couldn't do that to her and I couldn't do it to myself. 

When I got up from the bed to get Lisa a drink we both knew that our friendship was over.  And it was.  The night ended without any incident and we quietly knew that because I did not kiss her, that I wouldn't get that chance again.  And I didn't want that chance again either.  I just prayed to God he would give me someone as beautiful and dazzling as Lisa. 

That night really happened.  And I remembered it always.  How could any man forget something like this?

I did bump into Lisa almost 10 years later.  Her hair style was different and she did not look like the flower she once did.  She was divorced and now in an interracial relationship where she seemed to be under someone's thumb.  But to me I can never forget those innocent talks we had standing in the Concord Mall, and that one night were I almost kissed her.  And she did want me to kiss her.  There was too much of that look in her eye.  It was such a serious moment that I will never forget.  I NEVER wonder what if I had kissed her.  I'll tell you why.  Because I NEVER would want anyone to do that to my wife.  My friendship to Lisa was supposed to be just a friendship and as much as I know she was in an unhappy marriage, it was not my place to destroy it.  My friendship never had a chance but I didn't know that.  I wanted what little I could have of  Lisa and that was a mistake.  I should have had NONE of Lisa because she was someone else’s beloved.   I didn't fully realize it at the time but I did ultimately respect the limits of friendship and I had to walk away from it in order to do the right thing.

For those of you whom are married. I wish you the best. It really is a great ride.  It is the ultimate in friendship. 

It is something to be respected by others because finding the one right person to be with is a rare thing that very few of us really ever accomplish.  Some of us never find it once in a lifetime.  Lisa if you are out there... I'll always remember that night we parted friends.  May you have found your happiness.