If you have been reading my blog for sometime, you know I'm a victim of abuse. I've done a lot of research specifically on the abuse men take from women. But what so many outsiders wonder is how can a man be abused? Well the answer is simple.
We men don't allow ourselves to be abused as women do. We accept it. We take it on terms negotiating with ourselves for a greater cause. Example? Me. For years I took abuse. And why? I accepted it because I thought it would be for the greater good of keeping my family together.
The second reason men take abuse is they are trapped. I was. Now I had two sons that I wanted to be raised under one roof and I needed to make the best of my situation.
I would like to suggest the following reading to any men seeking help:
I also suggest taking heed of the Six Pillars of Self Esteem
The 6 pillars are:
1. Live Consciously
This requires us to be fully in the present moment. And for
most, this takes a bit of practice, because many of us are
conditioned to disown the here and now, to survive what we
have thought that we cannot handle.
2. Accept Yourself
Yes. You have flaws and attributes. You also have the
opportunity to enhance who you are, by accepting everything
about yourself. In fact, the only way to enhance who you
are is to accept yourself.
3. Take Responsibility for Your Experiences
Through my journey, I have learned to be in conversations
where I say to myself, "It comes down to 'this is where you
end, and I begin,'"
Saying such an affirmation has helped me to congruently say
what I will and will not experience. And this is quite
liberating not only to myself, but also to my interlocutor
(most of the time)
4. Assert Who You Are
Honor what you think, feel, believe, need and want. Yes,
for many readers this may be a challenge. But the results
of accepting this challenge are wonderfully fulfilling.
5. Live Purposefully
Make an agreement with yourself to reach your highest
potential, while you maintain balance in your life.
6. Maintain Your Integrity
Know exactly what your principles are. And stick to them,
no matter what others think or do.
Be ready guys, when you finally stand up to your abuser, she will make war. She will blame you and leave you. She will plan it out in advance. I saw this happen before me but I kept trying to make it work like a schmuck. All for love. It was almost a life ruining mistake.
So if you do stand up for yourself, I suggest you prepare as a just in case and read the following:
A Man's Guide to a Civilized Divorce: How to Divorce with Grace, a Little Class, and Lot of Common Sense
