Another Lousy Day In Paradise

You Can't Lie to Yourself

Lars Hindsley — Tue, 06 Apr 2010 21:48:28 -0400

Do you ever talk to yourself? Not aloud of course but still - you have these conversations ...everyday. Maybe not everyday. Maybe rarely. Perhaps it's just a fleeting moment. You're driving in your car and you see something that makes you think or you are watching a movie alone and a character says or does something that makes you look at your own life. And you talk to yourself.

I think in these moments is when we really know our true self. And we can't lie. We don't lie. We are at peace with our paleolithic underpinnings. We don't even notice that we are good and evil all in the same breath. We are honest with our self because we don't sit in judgment of our self in the same way others would.

One day I sat on the grass after a long day of running errands. I looked at my old family home and thought of how I grew up there and how in all my life I've done so much, traveled so far and yet here I was back again sitting in the grass in at my old family home. I had to think a moment and evaluate the success or failure of my life. What makes one a success, and what makes one a failure? I sat down, almost in tears as I sighed and thought to myself I was being honest with myself and no one was around to judge me.

No this is not a rant. This is not a philosophy article, it's not an advice or help article either.

Today I just wanted to write something you may not often see me write. That in each one of us there is a person that no one in the world may honestly really know or ...

Words of Instinct - Bête Noire

Lars Hindsley — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 00:13:05 -0500

Some free advice to those of you thinking that only you know suffering. Only you have it hard. Life sucks, blah blah blah. Your girl left, you lost your job, or whatever it is, you have resolved to have forgotten how to enjoy the simple concept of breathing in and out.

Here is the answer.

While you are living in that dark place, life is passing you by. Each moment, each minute each day that you live in your bête noire the world around you leaves you behind. You can be a part of it, or miss out on what it offers. It is - what you make it.

You Can Never Take Your Words Back

Lars Hindsley — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 16:56:33 -0400

I had an argument once with a lover. I have to tell you she was the first woman in years to provoke me into telling her what I thought of her. Not how I viewed her on a whole but those little idiosyncrasies that if you mentioned, would hurt their feelings. You know... those little things that annoy you about the person you are with, but you just don't say. You find yourself just eating resentment for the sake of a safe relationship.   Well during what appeared a permanent break up she broke me down or I just didn't care... I let her have it. Verbally. I told her most every little thing that was wrong with her. Let also repeat, she provoked me. Was I wrong to react? Absolutely but I should also be understood that I didn't draw first blood. It was her that said some ugly things meant to be cruel and inflict emotional pain. One could argue that what is good enough for the goose is good enough for the gander. (What's good for a girl is good for a boy).

In retrospect I think, why her? We all have break ups. Ninety-Nine Percent of mine are amicable. Why then with the few others I've had unflattering break-ups with had I chosen this one woman to insult? To be dead honest, the reason I came to accept it, is that in some of those break-ups I was the one being dumped. I was the one that deserved better than to be insulted on the way out and instead of reacting, I responded without counter-attacking. I walked away without uttering a negative word. But on the occasion I'm speaking of I lost some self-respect. It was only so long that I could be a 'nice' guy before I finally cracked. She was the unfortunate recipient of my ire. Having said this, I could been more venomous with my words. I was restrained, but for all my restraint I'm left with this one fact. I can't take those words back. I believe I said them because I felt I wouldn't have to reconsider my words.   Still, I didn't need to worry in the past either yet I kept my trap shut.

Of course in today's world, women don't fight fair either. You can hold the winning hand of righteousness but proclaim it and they'll fight dirty for the sake of winning. It almost makes no sense. I think that's another reason I'm motivated to just know what I know and leave unscathed.   Before I was married, I dated a girl that I caught cheating. My friend called me from the restaurant telling me I should come see for myself. When I did, I sat down and said, "Did I catch you at a bad time?" Her reaction? Days later she started calling the police accusing me of harassing her.   So even in the right you can find yourself being screwed over. Better to just move on with the knowledge of being right. So if you women readers think men don't get their fair share of nut-jobs and stalkers... wrong. I think another reason was I've seen men get run over by game playing and once again I let myself react as I felt like it was time a guy didn't just 'take it'.

I don't know how it is for all men. I can only speak for myself but I'm not the type to argue. If you piss me off, I'll

Words of Instinct

Lars Hindsley — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 19:33:59 -0400

One difference between you and I, your heart is inside your head

Words of Instinct

Lars Hindsley — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 14:03:24 -0500

Yes you've shown your feelings
Yes you've shown your tough
Some things are worth believing
Your tears are not enough