Ok, online dating sucks. It does and it doesn't. Yes you get to meet a lot of new people. But you also get limited attention, knee jerk decisions and it is ultimately impersonal. You have no chance of having someone become attracted to you when they have a check list of things that filter you out of being eligible. Aside from that it's great. LOL
Having said all this, allow me to offer up some help to the women from a man's perspective. I will be harsh; this will help you to know the truth.
The Kid Hypocrisy
First up, don't say you love your kids more than anything only to later state that you love babysitters or that you are happiest when your children go to bed. If you don't see yourself as a hypocrite, a man will. You may be able to fool yourself but a man sees you for what you are. Sure man are gullible and willing to look past flaws, but don't assume we are dumb asses just because we let these things slide.
The I’m independent but I need a man Hypocrisy
Nine out of ten profiles I read assert independence. Yes of course you are independent and strong. That is why you are divorced and looking for another man. Ladies, I hate to break it to you but in just one month of online dating (I have not dated anyone yet, I’ve only e-mailed and talked on the phone) I’ve talked to A LOT of women. All but one said they missed having someone to come home to. All expressed that regret and sadness that they didn’t have someone at the end of the day to confide in. Just like Diane Lane in the movie Must Love Dogs they talk about eating dinner over the sink if they don’t have kids. Ladies, I’m not trying to be uncaring. I am compassionate. So please don’t think I have it in for you. I mean this earnestly. You can’t win a man over by being too tough for love. You can’t. You know something ladies, you may in fact be that strong. You man indeed be independent and capable of handling life’s adversities, but to win a mans heart, you have to master the art of being feminine. This means fake it if you don’t feel it. Fake it until you do feel it. Don’t tell a man you are independent. We already know you are, that is why you are single. If you were not independent, you’d be spoken for. Throw that word out of your vocabulary while dating or courting. Men don’t want to hear it. In fact when I see it in a profile I really think hard before making contact. I don’t need to break through defenses. I want someone ready to come to the table as an equal. What is worse here is that for each woman that had independent down in a profile was ultimately the most bitter about not finding romance. Ladies, you can’t have this one both ways. Oh, you can but you will never taste love at its sweetest.
Fat may be average size in America, but for men fat is not average size
OK, here is where I’m sure I’ll be considered a Neanderthal. No ladies, I’m a man. We men have this habit of seeing things for what they are. You see if I run a search for average women, I expect a few extra pounds. I expect someone that may have a large belly or large stomach or legs larger than usual or bigger arms. But I don’t expect a woman of 5 foot 5 to weigh 170 pounds and call herself average. Online services have many categories such as “a few extra pounds” or “curvy” and only these ladies are being truthful. If you are not average, don’t kid yourself. I’ve even seen “athletic and toned” searches result in 5 foot 5 inches at 170 pounds. I’ve had to run that search just to find the “average” weight woman. If it means anything to you, it doesn’t make men mad. I know I don’t get mad. But I do find myself saying, “Who is she kidding?” only to feel sorry for these women that can’t accept they are bigger than average. If you want to be considered average by men, then yes lose some weight. I lost 28 pounds in two months. It can easily be done. It takes commitment and desire. Ok, so in short. Lying to yourself won’t help you get a date. And for what it is worth, I will date a woman that is curvy. My ex put on a lot of weight in unusual places and hid it well from others. I found I had no issues with it. We men are not that superficial, but like you we expect honesty.
Put your worst face forward
This one is a nasty one. This may be the best advice for you yet ladies. Don’t put just your best photo up. I mean yes, put up a great photo, but you also need to show what you really look like. Notice I didn’t say make yourself look bad. I didn’t say put a bad photo online. I’m saying after your primary photo gains a mans attention, then you got to put up one of you in jeans and a t-shirt or something that shows you in a natural setting. Don’t hide your mustache or mole if you know that when you arrive for coffee or that first date, that the man you’ve been leading on will have to accept your new-found physical trait. Look if you got it, let him know early. If he can’t accept you for what you are, at least give him that out before meeting you face-to-face. Then you can call him a superficial creep, otherwise you are prolonging the inevitable.
Cut it out with the photos of your dog or sunset!
Ladies! Do you resent men that put up photos of their house or car? Well guess what, it works both ways. We men want to see you. God made us this way. Looks gain a mans attention, what is inside you keeps his attention. That photo of a sunset …unless you are in it means very little if nothing to a man. Ok, here is what it means. “She must not be very attractive, she’s got photos of her dog and a flower up.” Yes there are rare instances where if you have eight photos of yourself and one you took of the great wall of China that make some sense, but really. Save that photo for later. Impress us with your travels after we decide we want impressing. As for the photos of dogs. I hate to break it to you but this really scares 90% of men. It says, “I am so alone and lonely that I need this pet to get me through the day.” So although you may find the photo of your dog innocent enough. Don’t do it if you want to eliminate 90% of the men from your pool. And some of those 90% will be great guys that just got the wrong impression.
