This should give my lady readers a laugh today. I'm in my office on a Sunday morning working... watching "The Holiday" a movie I swore I'd rather not watch.  The weather is great but the day got kinda screwed up.  The little league game I was supposed to umpire was changed, paintball isn't running today and I just missed church because of a customer phone call that would not end, and thank goodness my son wants to have a catch and play kickball with the kids in an hour.   Yeah, just one of those days where things just seem slightly off and you must miss the train by 5 seconds.

I'm just now seeing the part where Kate Winslett's character is going ape shit over seeing the home she is staying in.  It 's amazing.  I have to admit, that scene is really a pick me up. 

OK, here is something to share with you that may seem cool.  Last night I woke up from a dream that was amazing.  In my dream I could fly.  I seem to for years have been developing the ability to craft my dreams.  I love being able to fly in my dreams so in this one I seemed to have been a character or person that has been flying for some time.  I'm at an office in a garage, but its a nice office.  It's huge like a flight hanger.  There is one guy and four girls, I'm trying to figure out which one is single. LOL They are all talking nicely to me as I try to explain to them I need my money or I won't turn their website back on.  LMAO.  No on there is a decision maker. OK.  But we all talk. 

Break... Cameron Diaz's character is singing.  Pathetic.  They could have done much better or she really is that bad a singer.

Back to my story...  So I'm thinking to myself as two of the girls walk out of the office garage, (the door was open the whole time).  And I can see the one has been interested in me but she is playing the "I have a boyfriend game" where they don't really have one but want to be as hard to get as possible.  I've decided to show them all up.  I can fly.  So she and her girlfriends are standing there telling me, "I'm sorry, we really love to travel." Implying that I'm just not good enough to afford travel like they do.  Now outside my dream I think this had something to do with my ex-wife.  She liked to travel and I paid for her trips. LOL  So I guess I had some penned up resentment for that.   Anyway, I walk up to the one girl that seemed to like me the most, she wasn't the most attractive on the outside but I really thought she was the most sincere or down to earth.  Something attracted me to her.   But me being a man of pride... I figure I'm going to show them what they were "too good for" and I walk up to her, put my arm around her and say, "I like to travel too."  I look up to the sky and up we go.  It was a great moment. And then.... I woke up.

A car door outside had opened.  It was just after 7:10 am and I wake up very easy now in the mornings.   I had stayed up until 2 am last night which is extremely late for me, so 7:10 is a stretch for me now.   And when I wake up, there is no going back to sleep.   My dream was over and I didn't get to learn the fate of me and the girl.   Seems to be the way of my life I suppose. ;)  But I did begin to think about my dream. Not the girls... let's face it they come and they go, no use in trying.  Rather I was thinking about my flying.   I could fly.  And in this case I could life more than my own weight. I'm not superman, so I can easily be hurt.  I can be shot at, punched or even imprisoned.  But in the open space I can lift my body and soar away.  I thought about that in terms of how real super heroes work.  Too many have way too many powers.  I thought to myself, if I could fly for real.  What would I do with my ability? My very first thought would be to serve my government.  I'd be a spy, I'd help fight terrorism.  I'd do something that others would be thankful for.  I even thought about love.  But in that line of work, who would I meet?  Alas, I'm destined to be the good guy without the good girl. ;)  And when you think about it... I do have two boys.  Can I really take those risks with children?  A guy that can fly is no good if he is caged up in some room because someone pulled a gun on him and caught him behind enemy lines.  Strange thing is, I don't think any other purpose of flying would suit me.  Why have such a great power if you don't use it to help others.  I love my country despite the corruption, false advertising and warped people that do cruel things.  I'm still an American that is damn lucky to live here and my mother taught me to love this country and believe in God.  It's just who I am.   If I could fly, I'm certain I'd serve my country with that power.  What's funny about all this is that these thoughts... this train of thought I entertained lasted about enough time for me to get up out of bed and walk to the bathroom to relieve myself.  And then... my day had started and the furthest thing from my mind was my dream, the office girls and flying.   But I figured it would be fun to reflect on it now as I have a full day ahead of me and I've been working for hours now. 

Last night, I made home made soft pretzels.  You may recall I made a soup two weeks ago.  We'll this week since my son was home again and couldn't go with his mother (my ten year old son), I decided to go in a direction that would fun for him too.  Nothing long and drawn out.  Mind you, I still watched TV from the kitchen island as I prepared things.  But this evening was geared more towards my son's enjoyment than my own.  So mixing the dough, kneading it, cutting it and rolling it into to pretzels was much easier and fun for him than parsing many many ingredients, cooking batches and mixing things that he would have no interest in eating anyway.   I had friends over so this turned out to be a great idea.  I got the idea from a cooking show earlier in the week.   Fortunately I had all the ingredients and this was an easy and fun task.  

As a single man with two sons, I will say that I wasn't sure if this was a life I'd adapt to.   I enjoyed being married; I was faithful and loving to my wife.  I worked from home all these years and became quite good at being a stay-at-home dad.   Things have changed and mostly for the better.   Sure there are times I feel like the women that complain to me they miss having a man to come home to, (in reverse).  And yes, to all of you I say, I do remember being married fondly ...up to the time I learned of her affair and (the pictures hurt the most) betrayal I must admit to being human and knowing I think being married suited me nicely.  Yes, I was abused, yes she had problems... blah blah blah.  All that is true and yes me and my son’s are better off now.   But life is for living.  I needed some time to accept what happened to me.  I came to terms with it and some of you think I have not.  Sorry you don’t know me person to person, all I can do is assure you I’ve moved on.  My day to day life is not filled with any sadness SO PLEASE STOP telling me I’m dwelling on my ex-wife!  Imagine there is a person not in the photo where I'm eating that home made soft pretzel!  Because I have people in my life that are make me feel it again. I do know what happiness feels like. I'm not down! I'm just being honest. :) (Up to the point where I won't show pictures of every person I know).

Look folks, I’m OK! It’s normal NOT to forget nine years of marriage. LOL  It’s normal to not live with anger or regret.  It’s normal to also feel pretty crappy that your ex-wife had an affair and betrayed you. 

These things are part of my life.  I’m OK with that.  It is called life.  You move on, or you try to move on.  In my case...

Ooops.. The guy in this movie just witnessed his girl walking down the sidewalk with another guy.  LOL, talk about timing.  I’m writing about it and then I see it on my laptop... irony can be pretty cruel. LOL

The only part I relate to is how the guy is talking about how he stood in line at FedEX to make sure his girl got her Christmas gift when she wasn’t where she said she was, and only after the fact does he know the truth...  That is a feeling I relate to.  And folks, that is the only feeling I think I do in fact dwell on about my ex.  

Are my days sad and lonely. No.  So please don’t e-mail or post her a lecture about moving on.  I’m doing that.  But folks, you need to realize this.  For all the new women that want to be a part of my life now, I do have a lifetime to remember I was betrayed by a woman I dearly loved.  That won’t change.  That won’t ever change.  You can’t be a good man for 9 years of marriage and not have a pretty deep scar from that. 

This is not a movie.  My life is not a dream.  It’s real.  And I, not you readers have to live with what happened to me.  I can get past the emotional abuse, I can get past the abuse she put my son through because she’s gone.  No more her coming home and ruining everyone’s day with her own problems.  But I do carry a personal scar.  And I suppose until someone better comes along, (which I AM NOT LOOKING FOR) I subscribe to the belief my pastor once taught in a sermon, “You cannot be separated from something until you are separated to something.”  Time will heal this particular wound and I’ve come to terms with that.

Only on days like to day where my plans leave me alone to work and think a lot do I even dare bother to have these thoughts enter my mind.

I’m a writer folks.  It is something I enjoy.  I’m sharing with you JUST what I want to share with you though.  So I can’t blame you for assuming you know what is going on in my day to day.  I don’t post all the photos I take.  I leave pictures out of me with people I don’t want her to know I know. I don’t include some photos of events or places I’ve been, as much as I want to.  Why? Because I do realize that my privacy does matter.   But I won’t stop living.  Despite my home being broken into, death threats, false allegations to my son’s little league in attempts to have me removed as a manager, and a whole lot more, I refuse to stop living.  So I continue to blog.  I write about my life to inspire others.  I write to inspire myself.  I write because life is for living.  I enjoy it and its just plain fun.  I’m still working on Aeroplane City, I’m writing another book that I’m sure will be something that changes my life.  And for those of you along for the ride now... You can say you were there when Lars was coming through it.

So for now, I’m just about done... My son is out playing with friends building a tree fort.  I feel bad for him that in just a few months we may never live here in this house again.  I feel bad for him that for this house, what I worked towards all my life will most likely be something I have to give up.   He is innocently building a tree fort with friends not realizing next year he may not be in the same school, same little league and lose all the friends he now has. I carry that weight for him.  As his father, I am looking to his future.  I’ve got way more on my plate and on my mind than love despite me giving it some room in this article.  Get it?  If nothing else, the betrayal I think about from time to time makes me work harder.  And sure it sucks to know while you were buying your wife gifts, she was sleeping with another man, but in the end it wasn’t my fault.  These things happen and mold you as a person.  It’s not what happens to you in life; it’s what you do with it.  That is where I’m at now.  If you have some good advice, I’ll listen.  But let’s not say I’m singing the praises to my ex, or that I’m being a downer etc...  It’s just part of life.  As you visit my blog in the future... respect that.

To the women that wanted to an answer as to why I’m so damn hard to get now.  This in part is my explanation as to why I am what I am right now.  Key words, “in part”.

Respect what I’m going through folks. I’m not on my knees. I’m doing the best that any man can be expected to do.  “Respect.”  Thank you.

I'm off to play kickball now with the kids in the neighborhood!