I write articles meant to provoke converstaion and get things out in the open. This article is more of a reflection and not meant to provoke. Please don't read it as such.
OK, I'm not going to get people upset I promise. Heck, if anyone should be upset it is me, but I'm not. I'm just a bit confused. Yesterday I picked up my children at my parents home and had to drive to good ole' Costco. I'm driving up Old Baltimore Pike when I see someone is tailgating me. Apparently I'm driving too slowly for them. This bothered me I’ll admit. I don't like it when people do that. But there is no way to stop them unless you slam on the breaks and then you risk both of you being in an accident. You get the idea. And in fact, years ago in my twenties I remember once or twice tapping the breaks and holding them to cause the tailgater to back off in a panic. I assure, I didn't do that on this occasion ...and I had my two children in the car so don't second guess me here.
So what happened? I actually decided to let this person by. Old Baltimore Pike has two wide shoulders now and I just pulled over to let them through. No sooner did I pull over did the driver give me the long "beep" of the horn like I was an idiot (for whatever reason) and as she drove by with her child in the back seat in a baby seat, she puts her window down and gives me the finger, yelling something I couldn't hear. I beeped back and put my hands up to show her "what did I do?"
I looked back at my kids and the both had their headsets on for their movie, but Declan looked at me like, "That was rude." He saw what she had done.
We drove on another half mile and sure enough the light was red and she was in a turning lane, I was in the straight lane and fate had put us right next to each other. I decided to say something, because I really wanted to know what the hell I had done wrong. I pulled up and put my window down. No sooner did this happen did she give me the finger again. Her poor child was right there for all of this. I didn't have a lot of time to think, but I did say to myself, "She's not going to get out of the car and attack me, I'm sure she doesn't have a gun." So I felt safe at least giving her a piece of my mind. I said, "So where was I the bad guy? I let you pass." Again the finger shot up and she told me I didn't know what the hell I was doing. That comment made no sense. Was I daydreaming while I was driving? Was I weaving? No. I was alert and wary enough to see she was tailgating! LOL
At this point I didn't want to drive her crazy but she continued on, so I had to say something because she had a child in the car. "Don't you care you have your son watching you do this? And I have my own kids here." Then it happened, "I don't give a f--k about you and your f---ing white kids."
I have to admit, this caught me way off guard. What did this have to do with my skin color? What did this have to do with my kids skin color? I thought this whole problem was based on her tailgating. When I saw her tailgating, I saw a car, really close up on my car, but I didn't look at the driver. And even if I did... I pulled over? I thought I was being non-confronational by letting the car through. How did the color of my skin matter? I sure didn't recognize this woman. She seemed very tall, she was wearing thick rimmed, rectangular glasses, but there was no dignity in her words. I sized her up by her words and behavior alone and I was surprised and amazed that someone would behave like that in front of their own child. I had to look at my kids at the time to see if they were witnessing this. Sadly my ten year old did. As much as I was appalled, I easily dismissed her racist comment. It was rude, but not the end of the world, and I'm convinced not all african-American's are racist.
Now I don't know if I would react this way to every time someone cracked a rude comment about me being white, but perhaps because I knew this had nothing to do with my skin color I let this bounce off of me. But it did bother me that someone wanted to be angry and let themselves be angry only to justify to themselves they could be angry at me because I was white.
All I can say is this. If you are African-American (black) whichever you prefer to be called, please know that on a whole, white people don't see skin color when making life decisions in the presence of an Asian, African-American, Indian or other such color. I'm not saying there is no prejudice in this world, I don't live a glass bubble, but especially in these type situations where the entire situation even started without me seeing the driver, let alone it was a female or her skin color... Why bring racism into it? And frankly this is not the first time I've been verbally attacked for being white. It makes me wonder sometime... while there come a day when whites are a minority and we have to face this for many years while African-American's then discuss the their own human nature towards whites? As it stands now, I feel like I'm walking on egg-shells. I don't see color for the most part, I'd even date someone outside my color, heck one of my favorite actors is
I guess all I can say is this. Racism clearly goes two ways. This was not the first time I was on the receiving end. I've had my kids insulted this time, other times it's been family members and yes of course even myself. For the most part I feel sorry for the person saying those rude things. There is a clear misunderstanding that if I am a white person am asked not to see color boundaries, then please call it even.
And if you ever decide to insult me, please just make it me. My children didn't need to hear that, or see it. I had to explain all of that to my son and thankfully he only caught a fragment of it. He saw her giving me the finger and I explained that she was mad about something, perhaps she had a bad day and my not driving faster than the speed limit must have put her over the top. Thankfully my 4 year old was utterly oblivious to it all with his headset on listening and watching a movie.
Look, there isn't a one of us that can't be tough. We can all stand up and fight, blah blah blah. But I've learned a lot about life since I was a kid. Fighting is something you do when you have to, not because you want to. People are going to say mean things; they will threaten you and argue because they have the problem. I almost feel bad for wanting to tell the woman she was wrong. But when she drove by giving me the finger with her kid watching her blow up, I wanted to tell a fellow parent they were wrong. Had I to do it over again, I would have just drove up next to her and smiled. I wish I could do that part over. And yes, that would have pissed her off too and perhaps drew another finger and a few expletives that I wouldn't have heard with my window up. But I'm not perfect, I'm human and I made the mistake of thinking I could make a point to someone that was clearly upset and not going to listen. Next time I'll know better. For all the times I've avoided conflict, this is one time I could have done better, but ignoring someone. To that end, I was at fault too. Lesson learned.
But if you are a white person, you know that we do go through this and we are expected to cast off hundreds of years of prejudice while receiving it ourselves. This is a double standard. I hope if you are of different color and are reading this, that the unspoken understanding among white people is that we are trying, and don't like the double standard. Yes ago I was playing a "live" video game over the Internet with an African-American man. He wasn't a boy. It was a great game we played as we talked life, politics and sports. But at one point he said something I had to ignore and I think on this one occasion my feelings were hurt, because I could hear in his voice he was not white, we were of different skin color but among our values (we talked about rude teenagers online etc...) we were alike. Anyhow, I recall he just up and said at one point, "The worst of us is better than the best of you" referring to African-Americans vs. whites. I made a conscious decision at that moment to just keep talking about other things and I was so disgusted I recall making up a reason to go soon after. Believe me, the context of his remark was a black vs. white comment and it stuck in my side like a knife. Since that time I've become more and more aware that the racial divide can't close if we all don't work together. I thought I was doing my part, simply by not thinking race. Now I have to admit, I wonder if every judgment on me now by an African-American is being made with my skin color factored in. Racism works two ways. The getting along has to work two ways. The forgetting skin color has to work two ways. Let's not give up. I'm sure I'll never live to see that day when it is all of no importance because sadly, collectively we have yet to all want the same thing.
OK, I hope I haven't upset anyone. There are articles I write that are meant to provoke conversation and get things out in the open. This article is more of a reflection and not meant to provoke. Please don't read it as such.
