I'm talking to a guy this morning... never met him before.  We are discussing my situation, and he understands my situation and has seen it with his own friends.  He admires my ability to not let all this get me down or become emotional over it.  And I tell him, "Enjoy the complacency of marriage." 

And that is my advice to all you men and women out there who are married. 

You may think that if there is a lack of excitement in your relationship or no sparks flying as they once were that you should just cut your ties and start again.  But that is wrong. You only find out later what you lost.

This guy talking to me discusses how everything they have could flip tomorrow and they could find themselves in a divorce and he would be screwed as both of them have to split everything.  A beach home, 401k's, bank savings, everything.

What I say is this, you lose something much more.  You lose time.  You lose all those years you have with someone.  Is it worth that?  It goes beyond starting over.  It's about ending something that may have had many good moments all washed away.  Do you want to have to look back on the good times with bitterness, or worse to look back and have your judgment of those times clouded with disdain?

Everything in your life becomes meaningless behind you as you start again. 

If there are children... If there are children... well... I won't even go there.

Look, please... you couples should BOTH read this column today.  One of you is reading this... get your spouse to come read it so you both "get it”.

The complacency of your marriage is a good thing.  You worked hard ...   more »