A friend I know just announced she is getting married.   Upon learning this I of course congratulated her and told her I had some advice for her.  But then someone arrived to break up the happy moment.  We decided to discuss it later, but as I thought of it... since she reads my blog... I'm going to offer this advice to her and anyone considering marriage.   Now before you say... "Lars you failed at marriage, who are you to give advice?"   I argue that I did not fail.  I certainly personally did not fail.   I remained faithful and I was able to make a good go of it for 9 years despite what I had learned was someone that really wasn't in the marriage for love.    And don't you dare call me bitter. I think love is a great thing. No... I know love is a great thing.  While I had been bitter and everyone deserves that emotion for a period of time...I didn't remain bitter.  So allow me now to share what I've learned and how you can do it right.

Before I dive in, I do have one more thing to add.  I am writing a memoir for my children to read and pass on to their children one day, similar to what Shakespeare wrote with Polonius’ advice to his son Laertes.   I hate to think of being gone from this world, but my legacy will be what I’ve experienced and learned and how I’ve lived this life.  Much of what I’m about to share comes from a portion of my memoir.    The things you read about how I learned from my own marriage… are omitted in the copy of my memoir.  I don’t share anything with my children that can be perceived in the least bit of disrespect to their mothers.

Some I will ...   more »

I’d like to revisit the term blame shifting or blame shifter as I’ve discussed it in past articles.   In an ongoing effort to reflect on the values of this era and to help others avoid victimization by a blame shifter; it is important I keep the concept of “blame shifting” forefront in your awareness.

What is a blame shifter?  A blame shifter is someone that does not accept responsibility for their own actions and portrays themselves as a victim in an effort to deflect the blame from them self and onto someone else.  This accomplishes two goals for the offender.  It absolves them of responsibility, and effectively makes someone else responsible.  A blame shifter will demand respect while giving you none. 

Now before you decide… “Come on Lars… blame shifting?”  I would contend that blame shifting has been around since the dawn of time.  Look at Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.    What did Adam do?  He blamed Eve for taking his first bite from the forbidden fruit.  He blamed Eve for giving him the apple rather than answer to God, "Yes, I ate of the fobidden fruit."   So are you on board yet?  I hope so.  Oh... and by the way... it didn't work then either.  God made them both accountable for their actions.  Just thought I'd get that in as an aside. :)

What does it mean to be a single parent let alone a parent? Ultimately it means sacrifice.  The life you once lived for your own wants and desires takes a back seat to the importance of your children. 

Have you ever been to a store where a child comes off as annoying yet their own parent dotes on them?  Or better yet the parent simply allows their child to go on being annoying without any real concern.  Either way you only see an annoying child.   But... when it is your child.  Everything matters.  They are your entire focus.  The little things they do while you are waiting in line, matter.  The words they say, the mannerisms they display.  If you are a good parent, you pick up on all of it.

My children and I go everywhere together.  Except for my specific days off as a full time father of two... I can tell you we are joined at the hip.  We rely on each other for discussion.  My children learn as I teach.  I'm always getting questions that come from all over.  "Dad... what is the longest pass ever made in a football game?"  And yes... I'm expected to know the answer.

My little one's questions are easier because I've already been through it once before for the most part.  But they never get any less important.   The most amazing thing to me is how both of my children sponge up information.  My youngest son exhibits everything you'd expect to have read in a book about younger siblings.  He doesn't just "try" to keep up with his older brother... he expects to keep up.  He keeps up. 

Both my boys feed off each other for knowledge, entertainment and companionship.    They both in turn, come to me for guidance, refereeing and thankfully... ...   more »