Years ago I read a book... actually I listened to it (many times) by Peter Senge, named The Fifth Discipline.  It was about thinking in totality, seeing things from a distant view where a system is in place.

From this book and I took a couple major disciplines from it for life.  One was the art of thinking in systems and the other was the concept of mental models.   Today I want to explain systems thinking in regards to my life and my children's lives.

Let me first give an example in my life so you may see how it can relate in your own life.  The other night I was installing a new shower head system in my shower.  The boys and I are in the bathroom with all the parts.  My oldest son is keen to state we should be reading the directions to our youngest son.  This may seem strange that one son is dictating this information to another but it is part of systems thinking being instilled from one family member to another.   However for years and years since my first son received his first set of Lincoln Logs we always used directions.   To this day he always refers to directions when building or assembling things.  Why do I mention this?  Reading the directions in full and having them in advance of a project is in fact a form of systems thinking.

You see when you step back and view things on a whole you are better prepared to work within that system even if you are only going to operate strictly within a small segment.  Now I'll return to my story of the plumbing. 

There are many sayings in life.  Some become hackneyed expressions, while others hold deep meaning.   One I've learned years ago has become one that came back to me time and again to teach me a lot about life.  That is the saying, your audience finds you.

I first heard it when I was the front for a local band.  I was making the rounds with radio stations pushing for airplay.  Who I heard it from, I can't remember.  It wasn't something profound when I first heard it.  It was just one of those... "Yeah you're right"  times of acknowledgment.  It could have been a disc jockey, but I think it was a fellow musician or perhaps a guitar tech.  I can't say for sure.  Who ever it was, it started with me explaining our bands sound.  I was defining how I sing, I was explaining we had two guitarists that traded off lead guitar solos and how that gave us more than one flavor.  Someone said to me to assure me that it didn't matter what we sounded like because... our audience would find us.  We didn't have to go find our audience.

Over the years I recall that analysis and observation about how the music industry works.  It applied to business.  Many folks had these crazy ideas for usable web sites, from gaming forums to odds bettors, and even bonsai tree enthusiasts.  I remembered to myself and assured people with their idea, "your audience will find you."

At one point I gave that advice to myself about love.  I realized that I was a unique guy.  I was tough and strong but genuinely sensitive, only I had to get to know you first.  That made it hard for me to get the right woman to strike up immediate ...   more »

I have some advice for people today.  Do not wait for revenge. 

This is a deep thought.  Think hard now.  How do you avoid revenge at its most early point?  Do not put yourself in a position that could lead to your downfall.

It's best I explain by example.  You need to start a business and the nature of it requires a partner.  That partner should be someone you trust.    You need to make a solid decision early on or you could run into trouble.  If you make a bad choice and they have an agenda that hurts you.  You may feel so burned that you want justice.  If you don't get it, you could resort to revenge. 

The essence of what is inside a person in today's world can be impossible to know.  Some people play a part of a caring person while their actions go against everything they say.  You should follow your instincts but many of us do not.  Have you seen the film There Will Be Blood?  The protagonist in this story  Daniel Plainview never stepped out of "character" as the demon inside him never cared for anyone but himself.  He kept his cards of who he really was impossibly close to his chest.   A person like this is one where you must merely follow your instincts.  Despite him never revealing to anyone his weaknesses or what he cared for (actually he let on to the false half-brother) everyone around him should have read his actions and not his words.  

That is my advice to you today.  Do not wait for revenge.  Always be beyond it.

How is this possible? Here is what I know.

What people do is far more important than what they say.  Look at me.   Many days here I say a lot but few if ...   more »

I'm talking to a guy this morning... never met him before.  We are discussing my situation, and he understands my situation and has seen it with his own friends.  He admires my ability to not let all this get me down or become emotional over it.  And I tell him, "Enjoy the complacency of marriage." 

And that is my advice to all you men and women out there who are married. 

You may think that if there is a lack of excitement in your relationship or no sparks flying as they once were that you should just cut your ties and start again.  But that is wrong. You only find out later what you lost.

This guy talking to me discusses how everything they have could flip tomorrow and they could find themselves in a divorce and he would be screwed as both of them have to split everything.  A beach home, 401k's, bank savings, everything.

What I say is this, you lose something much more.  You lose time.  You lose all those years you have with someone.  Is it worth that?  It goes beyond starting over.  It's about ending something that may have had many good moments all washed away.  Do you want to have to look back on the good times with bitterness, or worse to look back and have your judgment of those times clouded with disdain?

Everything in your life becomes meaningless behind you as you start again. 

If there are children... If there are children... well... I won't even go there.

Look, please... you couples should BOTH read this column today.  One of you is reading this... get your spouse to come read it so you both "get it”.

The complacency of your marriage is a good thing.  You worked hard ...   more »

A friend I know just announced she is getting married.   Upon learning this I of course congratulated her and told her I had some advice for her.  But then someone arrived to break up the happy moment.  We decided to discuss it later, but as I thought of it... since she reads my blog... I'm going to offer this advice to her and anyone considering marriage.   Now before you say... "Lars you failed at marriage, who are you to give advice?"   I argue that I did not fail.  I certainly personally did not fail.   I remained faithful and I was able to make a good go of it for 9 years despite what I had learned was someone that really wasn't in the marriage for love.    And don't you dare call me bitter. I think love is a great thing. No... I know love is a great thing.  While I had been bitter and everyone deserves that emotion for a period of time...I didn't remain bitter.  So allow me now to share what I've learned and how you can do it right.

Before I dive in, I do have one more thing to add.  I am writing a memoir for my children to read and pass on to their children one day, similar to what Shakespeare wrote with Polonius’ advice to his son Laertes.   I hate to think of being gone from this world, but my legacy will be what I’ve experienced and learned and how I’ve lived this life.  Much of what I’m about to share comes from a portion of my memoir.    The things you read about how I learned from my own marriage… are omitted in the copy of my memoir.  I don’t share anything with my children that can be perceived in the least bit of disrespect to their mothers.

Some I will ...   more »

I’d like to revisit the term blame shifting or blame shifter as I’ve discussed it in past articles.   In an ongoing effort to reflect on the values of this era and to help others avoid victimization by a blame shifter; it is important I keep the concept of “blame shifting” forefront in your awareness.

What is a blame shifter?  A blame shifter is someone that does not accept responsibility for their own actions and portrays themselves as a victim in an effort to deflect the blame from them self and onto someone else.  This accomplishes two goals for the offender.  It absolves them of responsibility, and effectively makes someone else responsible.  A blame shifter will demand respect while giving you none.

Now before you decide… “Come on Lars… blame shifting?”  I would contend that blame shifting has been around since the dawn of time.  Look at Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.    What did Adam do?  He blamed Eve for taking his first bite from the forbidden fruit.  He blamed Eve for giving him the apple rather than answer to God, "Yes, I ate of the fobidden fruit."   So are you on board yet?  I hope so.  Oh... and by the way... it didn't work then either.  God made them both accountable for their actions.  Just thought I'd get that in as an aside. :)

There is old football saying… the best defense is a good offense.  If you are always on offense, you have no less need or no need to defend.  This is the essence of a blame shifter.  

A blame shifter’s classic maneuver in the context of a mundane setting is to mirror. 

Here is an example…

What does it mean to be a single parent let alone a parent? Ultimately it means sacrifice.  The life you once lived for your own wants and desires takes a back seat to the importance of your children. 

Have you ever been to a store where a child comes off as annoying yet their own parent dotes on them?  Or better yet the parent simply allows their child to go on being annoying without any real concern.  Either way you only see an annoying child.   But... when it is your child.  Everything matters.  They are your entire focus.  The little things they do while you are waiting in line, matter.  The words they say, the mannerisms they display.  If you are a good parent, you pick up on all of it.

My children and I go everywhere together.  Except for my specific days off as a full time father of two... I can tell you we are joined at the hip.  We rely on each other for discussion.  My children learn as I teach.  I'm always getting questions that come from all over.  "Dad... what is the longest pass ever made in a football game?"  And yes... I'm expected to know the answer.

My little one's questions are easier because I've already been through it once before for the most part.  But they never get any less important.   The most amazing thing to me is how both of my children sponge up information.  My youngest son exhibits everything you'd expect to have read in a book about younger siblings.  He doesn't just "try" to keep up with his older brother... he expects to keep up.  He keeps up. 

Both my boys feed off each other for knowledge, entertainment and companionship.    They both in turn, come to me for guidance, refereeing and thankfully... ...   more »

In our lifetime we change.    We live as children and grow into adults.  Our experiences mold us.  Our success and tragedies change us... sometimes for good.  Sometimes for the worse.  In either case we travel in a journey that no other person can make for us. 
 
We have choices to make that define us as people.  Choices between what is ultimately good and evil.  Sometimes you cross paths with good people, sometimes you cross paths with bad people and you decide to change your own path in life by traveling with them.  These times in life are known as "cross roads".    At these cross roads you may or may not change.  The day you become a parent is a crossroad in life.   You learn the true meaning of the word sacrifice that day and you decide to act on it or remain the person you were before your child was born.  Do you enter your second life that day or do you reject it?  It is a day you learn to love unconditionally or your live a life of selfish desire.

In the Christian religion we come to a point where we are faced with the reality that God has a plan will and purpose. It is clearly defined for us and we at that time... at that cross road decide if we believe or accept God or if we choose to move on down another path without God.   If you choose God you are born again and you live a second life. A new life as a Christian.  You only live twice.

Now this important life event can also be used as a metaphor in so many other instances.  For instance when you marry.   I used to say when I was single I was living one life.  One ...   more »

In my short life which I've learned is oh so fleeting, there is a short list of lessons with profound importance.  One of those life lessons is the importance of friendship.  Friendship is far more than a state of mind.   Actions are what make a friend.  While there are many virtues in friendship, friendship itself is the greatest virtue that comes with a great debt which can turn a life around. A genuine friendship paves the path to destiny.

The debt of friendship is as complex as it is intangible.  A friendship gone wrong can cost you your life.  I've read that people draw distinctions in friendships, there are friends and then there are close friends.  Close friends are the ones you tell  your secrets to.  Sharing secrets come the risk of betrayal.  You have to ask yourself, is a friend worth risking your secrets over?  I personally know of a person that has no true close friends, not even a lover they can truly call a friend. I often wonder if they know of the this great proverb by Confucius: "Silence is the true friend that never betrays."  For the longest time they would say to me, "Your mouth is your enemy".  It seems now that point is understood in more ways than one. They live this life where their secrets are locked deep inside their own self.  I've often admired such a cold heart.  But paradoxically, 

When my first son was born I had to fight for custody of him.  I was put through some of the most painful emotional stress a person could stand.  The emotional pain was immense.  I taught me something.  It showed me something that most parents never understand, and take for granted...

Every parent should fight for their child and they would appreciate them more.   As a parent you come to learn that every moment, the small ones especially have meaning.  They have profound meaning. Some of us may remember a profound line voiced by Keanu Reaves in movie Parenthood:

"They make you take a test for a driver's licence, but any butt-reaming asshole can be a father."

As a father that had to fight to be a father... the sentiment of the line above sticks with me.  Anyone can be a parent, but how many of us deserve our children?

When my boys brush their teeth and stand next to each other, I sometimes step outside myself and smile.  Call me silly but I've even take photos of these simple moments as one day they will be grown men.  I will have these memories.  And I wouldn't have these memories if I didn't appreciate these times we have together. 

It's not enough to love your kids because they are yours.  Appreciate them and the love will be greater.  Appreciate them and you will know the true sense of family and your family will become closer.   My boys and I are amazingly close.  In the past year we've become closer than I could imagine.  My youngest son wants to protect me with a vengeance.  My oldest son often remarks and laughs about something his younger brother has done, similar to the way I feel.  You grin and smile and you cherish the ...   more »

Office life is a culture unto itself.  In every work place you find many stereotypes.   The stuck up or arrogant guy, the woman that thinks she is special, the sexist pig, the firm and stoic office manager, the fat lady that everyone has to talk around, the cut throat corporate climbing guy, or the cut throat corporate climbing bitch.    They come in all these types, male and female.

Isn't it strange though that no matter where you work, these types exist?  Which one are you?  Let me guess, none of these.  Isn't it strange as we all agree these people exist but they are never us.  Let's play a game, if you had to guess, which one are you?
 
OK, so you've decided and perhaps it doesn't fit you.  At least you don't think that that type is you.  I have news for you though, it doesn't matter what you think you are.  It matters what others think you are.  You are what others decide you are and if you are the least bit conscious of what your corporate image is, you'll address it.
 
Perhaps you don’t' want to guess.  Perhaps you want to be really risky and go around the office and ask others.  Who am I?  What type of person am I?  Am I the office slut?  Am I the backstabbing co-worker?  Am I the office maid?  Oh... what's an office maid?  I knew one of those personally. The office maid is the person the person that is the office kiss ass.  They volunteer for everything, they round up the money for the office birthday gifts and such.  Some do it for the brownie points, others do it because they have no life.  Back to the types... From the work-a-holic to the slack-ass there are so ...   more »

What matters to you about how you are perceived?  I've often said, "Perception is everything, reality is nothing" which means it doesn't matter what you really are inside, it matters what people think of you.  Of course this is something you can apply in other areas such as it doesn't matter what people see, it matters what they think.

Does it matter to you what people think?  I used to think not, but in today's modern world, what people think is paramount in your life.  I suppose today's modern world may not be so different than any other point in time though...   After all hermits become what they are to escape what people think of them.  So if you want to avoid being judged, some of us pull back and try to pull away from the world around us. 

I've learned a lot from my saying "Perception is everything, reality is nothing."  It's kept me deftly aware of the things I do.  Look we all want to live and let live, but life is for the living.  You can't avoid being thought of one way or another.   On a whole we accept who we are for what we are and learn to look in the mirror and be happy with what we see.   But one day it hits you.   You think about how you are living and you decide... is it time I take the long way home?

Sooner or later, some of us take a cold hard look in the mirror and see what others see in us.    It's time to pay the price for perception. 

I'll write more on this article later.  But for now, be aware my dear reader.  Sometimes reality is smacking you in the face and your perception of reality is about to be turned upside down.  If you are an artist ...   more »

When I was a youth of 20 or so I took girlfriend of mine named Noel to Myrtle Beach South Carolina for a week's trip.  She had a girlfriend along too and a friend of mine arrived on day 3 to hang out with Noel's girlfriend... But I digress.

It was on this trip I learned that the way I saw the world was different.  It was good, it was rosy.  My families’ friends owned the motel we were staying at and we often sat in the office behind the front desk to chat up how our day went or just talk about life.  Their son was and is my age and we got along great together.  One night we roamed in and I was wearing a pair of very funky glasses.  They were perfectly round and had many shades of red.   I even remembered where I bought them... Zipperhead on South Street in South Philly.   Noel and I are sitting and talking to the owner, Bobbie.  She says to me, "Lars, you are looking at the world through them rose colored glasses." In her distinct southern draw.   At first I say, "Yeah... they are fine aren’t then?"  She answers... "No, I mean you."  I stopped and smiled, "Thanks."

I've always remembered those rose colored glasses.  Sometimes I think I should buy another pair.   If only to capture that youthful exuberance and give my self a reason to smile.  Now I'm not saying my life is bad etc...  I have my hardships like anyone else.   But the fact is life is what you make it.  And more than that, life is how you live it.   You can lay down and take your crappy hand and whine about it, or you can watch how the other players play their hands and learn from the ...   more »

I've often admired that statement.    I never really thought it always necessary, at least not until recently in life.   Due diligence can be found in other terms like cover your ass, and even read into the idiom "Speak softly but carry a big stick."

You see, as a man that has been falsely accused of things by someone I cared for, I have to say I get the idea behind due diligence and how speak softly but carry a big stick has similar meaning. To most of us the latter means, "try to get along, but be prepared to use force to make sure the people you are directing do as you say." 

But for me, I've learned it means this.  "Be nice, but cover your ass."  It also means, "Do the right thing, but make sure you have protection against those that you trust the most".  Be kind and decent folks but don't leave yourself open to being used.

I've written articles about men (or women) being vulnerable when in love, and anyone that has been married knows you are most vulnerable when married.  Your trust is then completely wide open.  I could write an entire book on this subject but I'll stay off it now.

As a man whom is victim of betrayal, it changed me.  While I am happily dating, the word love seems almost alien to me. I don't think it an impossible word, but the change in me is stark and striking from how I was when married.  

Where am I headed with this?

Well, when you find out you were in the company of pure evil, you realize you need to take a cold hard look in the mirror and learn how to never be taken advantage of again.   How does one do that?  This ...   more »

How to Love

Love is a myth, built on a dream, broken by desire and bound to every man’s heart.

                                                                                                -Lars Hindsley

I’ll break this down in two sections, finding love, and being in love. 

How to love is hard.  Love is a hard word.  To begin, you can’t love anyone until you learn to love yourself.  Not a narcissistic love, but a feeling of contentment with yourself.  You must know who you are so you know what your value to someone else is. I’m not saying you should relish being alone, but can you be good at it?  Again, loving yourself is not a self-centered love of ones-self.  It is about knowing what you want out of life, where you are going, how you will get there and whatever journey you may be on you are comfortable with it. 

YOUR LOVE WILL FIND YOU

To love, you should be worth something to someone.  And perhaps the best you are is just an every day man or woman that simply wants no more than to be a housewife or working man.  But remember this, you will draw a like person depending on the world around you.   If you want to marry an actress, you don’t stand much of a chance working on the corner dime store.  You may need to face up that the love you search for is a love you have not set yourself up for.  I’ll speak of this more soon but lets stay with the point of drawing like minded people.  There is saying I learned of when I sang in a band years ago, “Your audience will find you.”  That meant that we needed ...   more »

What if?

How many of us have asked this question? How many of us have so desperately wanted to step back in time and turn another corner.   What if...

It can haunt you if you are living a life you wish had gone differently.   But if you are like me, your “What if” always ends in, “then ---- wouldn’t be in my life” or “I wouldn’t be with ----”.   So you accept the bad with the good. 

What if...  What if goes well beyond what if my team didn’t win the big game.  It’s so much more.  What if you had not read that book?  Or what if you had not been influenced by what others had to say?  What if I had not taken that job?  What if I had decided to follow my heart instead of my head?  What if, usually always comes down to this though...

WHAT IS POSITIVE ENERGY?

To know me is to know I believe in the power of positive energy.  It’s more than just positive thinking, a key element.  Positive energy for me is about the “mood” or “state of mind” you bring to the situation.  Positive energy is a belief system that manifest itself into action and attitude.  It is a spirit in mind that goes beyond "can do".  It is "will do". 

ADVICE

While many of my articles are written in the hopes that you the reader can reflect and take something away from what I’ve experienced or think into your own life, today I want to give you all some straight out advice.  Today’s article is advice.

HOW I CAME TO IT

I recall years ago going to work for a person that I thought was very smart.  He said once, “I can’t work around her; she brings into the room so much negative energy.”  It was then I realized that people affect people in every day life.  Then I thought about how I could affect me with “positive energy”.  

IT MAKES A DIFFERENCE

Positive energy is what makes the difference in your day, situation or task.  One person can make a difference in other people’s lives when they enter a room with positive energy.   In reverse, a person or people with negative energy can bring a whole team of people or a family down.  But that is my point; the energy one person brings into a situation can positively or negatively affect  those people they are direct contact with.  And I like to think that we can make things better, so I take the ...   more »

Family, what does it mean to you?  Memorable moments around the dinner table?  Trips together?  Parents that love each other?  For me family is all this and so much more.  From time-to-time I’m reminded how much I value it.  They say you don’t appreciate what you have until it is gone, I don’t know if that is true.  It isn’t for me. Somehow from a young age I learned what family could do for you and I never let go of that notion.  I recall my brother making fun of me at dinner and me getting in trouble for it, but somehow that never really upset me.  I was glad for that time because at least I had a brother.   I never had a sister but I’m sure that would have had an immense impact on me as a person too.  Who knows what I’d have become had I a sister in my home.  

I recall my older brother bringing girls home when I was about 9 years old, he was 19 and I remember him bragging on my mom’s tacos, “You have to try my mom’s tacos.”  I somehow remembered that always.  Funny thing is my mother cooks some amazing southern dishes, black eyed pees, fried okra, cornbread and more.  Tacos?  But it’s true, she taught me how to cook an authentic taco, deep fried shells with the cheese melted in.  But that is another story.

Eventually I too brought girls home and I too wanted them to try my mom’s tacos.  

Then there is my father.   He was someone I always thought of as SuperMan.  He had a speed boat and he used to take ...   more »

Life is amazing thing.  It doesn't matter who you are, we all want that one friend that will make you feel like you can take on the world and win.   That one person that when you come home at the end of the day will make you feel not just "alive" but 'ALIVE!" 

But to have that person that makes you feel dynamite you have to be worth living for.  You got to get out there and get em!  Every day you gotta bounce out of that bed, you got to open you heart when love comes along and let it fall.

You gotta believe in love.  It doesn't matter who you are.  You can't be too tough for love.  It's a treasure some of us don't get once in a lifetime.  If it's love you want, you've got to be worthy of it.  You can't be worthy of it if you don't open your heart to it.   Love stands out you know... it's like a path full of sunlight.  It's like a moon breaking off the grid for those in a mathmatical life, and it begins to sail across the starry night shining down directly on you while you dance in it's bright light amidst the darkness around you.    Love is strong, stronger than hate, stronger than pride, stronger than bitterness and it offers hope to anyone that believes they don't have to be alone.   But before you can love, you got to be worthy of it.

You have to be all the colors of the rainbow, you can't be just the darks, or the reds.  You can't be just the blues either.  You've got to offer it all, to get it all. 

If you have any hope left, take a chance on love.  You just step out on ...   more »

This morning a friend and I were discussing in e-mail my article of my bands song Roses are Red.  While I was glad she liked it, I was commenting that the song actually had more “drive” when we were able to polish it etc...  Then she replied,

You should be proud of what you were able to accomplish.  Not many people get to live out their dreams...lord knows I have many of my own that will probably never see the light of day, but you got to experience it - even if it was a short period of time.  And now you will always have those memories and something to actually show for it...

This all made me think.  Yes, I’ve tried to live.  I did perform on stage, I did make the semi-pro football team, I did work on the cruise line, I did finally learn Kung Fu, I did really go for it and found a wife from Europe (could have went better but oh well), I have two children that I’ll share a lifetime with and I’ve done so many little things in between.  This year has been that time for me to go out there and do the things I couldn’t do before.   Life is for living.

So if you are reading this, I hope if you are recently graduated from school, or just divorced or in some way find yourself able to come and go with the wind... you need to live.  Life is not a test drive.  Some dream, some do.   Hang on to your dreams.  But even more, go after them.  I am. 

Later this year I’ll stun so many of you as I’m just not done yet....   more »

Today I read a great article in Men’s Health magazine and had to sound off on my own.  It was about men being the “P” word around women.  What I’d like to discuss is more specific.  What are you afraid of?

This is not a men's only article today.   

Is it wrong for any of us to be afraid of anything?    When you were young what were you afraid of? Was it the bully in your neighborhood or school?  Perhaps it was being hit by a pitched baseball, or worse yet, someone lying about you.  For me it was two out of those three. 

PRINCIPALS

I had a kid in my neighborhood named Tommy.  He was much older and he always rounded up everyone to play games or sports in the neighborhood.  I didn’t like him for being such a bully and I rebelled at every turn.  He in turn beat on me.  I recall one time in a sandlot baseball game a ball was hit by me and he snapped at me.  I felt like... "he’s not my father or brother, he can’t talk to me like that."  So I threw my mit down.  He was pissed.  Tommy ran to the outfield and punched me out. I went crying home and my father was soon at his house and boy was he pissed.  I had not one but two black eyes and a swollen cheek.  In today’s world Tommy would have been arrested.   But back then, Tommy just continued to be an ass and I remember later being assaulted by him and four others; another story never to be spoken of.  I always stood my ground ...   more »

Power brings out the best in people and the worst of people.   -Lars H.

Dream no small dreams for they have no power to move the hearts of menDream no small dreams for they have no power to move the hearts of men - Goethe

Never work just for money or for power. They won't save your soul or help you sleep at night - Marian Wright Edelman

I hope our wisdom will grow with our power, and teach us, that the less we use our power the greater it will be. - Thomas Jefferson.

I love Jefferson's quote the most. Words to live by.

THIS IS SERIOUS ROAD MAP TO HAPPINESS AFTER DIVORCE OR SEPARATION

This is a man’s guide to happiness after divorce.  Women need not read one word of this as it is something that may cut at your very core. No, that doesn’t mean this is mean spirited.  It is truly a man’s article for survival after divorce. There is NO woman bashing here, and although divorce requires separation of  a man and woman, this article is for men to understand your solution is NOT a woman.   And only if you use my solution, will you be able to return one day to the dating scene and make a good woman part of your life again.  Because the world is full of great women.   You simply, and unfortunately are separated from one you didn’t belong with.  And in time, you’ll learn how good it is for you to NOT have been with the woman you are now apart from.  However I cannot be any more clear to you men, and Emerson seems to agree with me, "We must be our own, before we can be anothers."

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Every hero becomes a bore at last.  Who said this?  Emerson, Sachin and Saurav?  It doesn’t matter; what matters is it is true.

What stimulates my interest is that upon hearing this quote for the first time I thought back to my youth.  I was fascinated with becoming better than other men, wanting to be someone’s hero, a hero to girl.  It was such a silly notion, so romantic and needlessly wanted.  Because in time, somewhere between the time I thought of it first and the time I began penning poems I grew to understand that heroes fail too.  I wrote those very words to a young girlfriend I had lost to her own selfish desires. 

I asked myself what I had done to lose her interest, and I thought of my hero complex (for lack of better description), and what I had determined the answer.   I came to understand that if I were a hero, as hard as I tried even heroes fail.  The verse comes to mind, “heroes fail too, you know now they do.” 

Of course she didn’t know that.  My poem was meant to reveal that fact.  Perhaps it was too deep, she never gave me another thought.   If you are curious, I did in fact see her again.  It was 15 years later.  It was non-eventful for me, and I could tell it was embarrassing for her.  The girl I knew at 16 (I was 17) was now a grown woman.  I had my son, she had hers.  We exchanged pleasantries and I walked away from the moment thinking back at how I didn’t want to lose her those many years ago....   more »

Today's message is one so many of us will learn from today.  Years ago I moved away from Delaware to Atlanta to get away from a poisonous woman.  I'm serious, she was trouble for anyone she came in touch with.  Good looking girl, which meant she could use her looks to deceive and manipulate.  This is never good.  So in the end, she caused enough trouble for me that I felt my best solution was to move away and start again.  I moved to Atlanta.  Now strange enough a good friend of mine named Vonda Fowler moved to Atlanta too.  A couple months later she and I bumped into each other in a Buckhead bar.  We soon got on the discussion of the woman I moved away from.  I explained to Vonda the woman I left said she wanted to be alone.  I went on telling Vonda when I left, I left no forwarding address and instructed my family never to say where I was. Vonda laughed, she said, "You know Lars there is s saying that fits here."  Of course I wanted to hear it, "What?" Vonda finished... "Be careful what you ask for, you may get it.  And she's getting it."  "Yeah." I answered with satisfaction.  I was so tired of being used and having my life used for someone else's poisonous agenda that it felt great to know that I was a man of action and to that someone that didn't think I was capable of doing such a strong and independent thing was now left in the dust.

I've learned that the affection someone gives you in a relationship is a gift.  When you reject it, they most likely never offer it again.  I hear from friends all the time, "my girlfriend is too needy"  I said ...   more »

Can I give you all some advice?  When something is broke you fix it.  You don't get bent, you don't make war, you don't hold a grudge, you don't blame shift, you don't quit, you fix it.

In business, I learned early on in management there is a simple process to dealing with adversity.  You ask these questions:

How did it happen?

How do we fix it?

How do we stop it from happening again?

And then you move on.  Sure if you are swift you think proactively after that.  But you don't look back on the problem, kick and whine about it.  Your girlfriend left you?  You lost the ball game?  Your best friend broke your favorite toy?  A customer left you?  You broke your leg?  All these problems are solved the same way.

And you move on.

But you don't get mad, you don't stay mad, you don't hold a grudge and you don't drag yourself down to the level of the problem.  So if your friend now hates you because you won't let them play with your toys anymore... you deal with it.  You don't hate them back as that won't fix things.

Look, I'm not saying you need to emotionally disconnect.  I realize some things hurt or make you mad and you need time to get through it.  I've been there.  Give yourself some time to blow off steam or calm down or forget the pain, whatever it is.  It's OK to have emotions.  And it's OK to allow yourself to have those emotions.  But keep them in perspective.  Move on is key.  Because living in the past just doesn't cut it.  You've gotten the idea from me, you are in the here and now... the journey is the reward... blah blah blah.. but it's true.  ...   more »

Many songs exist about it.  I live it.  I repeat it to others.  I’m telling you now.  The journey is the reward.  So while you are perhaps running in circles, trying to find happiness, you have to stop along the way and realize, these are the salad days, slowly being eating away.

What were you doing the day your hero died?  What did you do the day your team won the championship?  Only sometimes is the destination the reward, such as the day you marry, and really... that day isn’t your destination, it was your destiny because the journey begins that day.   Once my ex-wife and I parted and we came back together because I told her... “we have history.”   That’s another story as to why we are no longer, but I hope you get the idea.   Another example of the end of a journey being a reward is the day your child is born, but even yet again, the real journey begins that day.  And never let anyone tell you it isn’t a grand journey. 

Every step you take in life is you writing your own story.   Those footprints you leave in life are your reward or punishment for your decisions.  There are so many forks and turns in your life, and those are memories of a story that perhaps someone else will read, but when is your destination the reward really? 

Right now I’m managing a little league team, the season is half over and we are 6-3.  It’s a good season.  It went from a one of hope to one of anticipation.  And each game we play brings us closer to the end, and that destination ...   more »

This blog is for you ladies.  What is a hero?  Do you think of a super hero, a man beyond what others can ever be?  Are your sights set so high that no matter how good a man you have, you look past him for someone better?

I have to ask you.  Don't you want to be loved?  Isn't love enough?  Wouldn't it be enough that a man you are with will stand up for you, do anything for you and truly appreciate you more than any other woman he could know?

If you have one man in your life, and you take his breath away, doesn't that warrant your love and appreciation of him as your own hero?  After all, if you mean that much to him, don't you love that?  If you mean that much to him, you must know he will in fact do anything for you.

And here lies the secret of all heroes ladies.   Every hero has a weakness.  And for us all, it is love.  That heroe's weakness is his heart.  It is the only way to destroy him, and a real enemy of a hero knows that.

So be careful with the hearts of your heroes ladies.  You hold the power over these men, these heroes you must appreciate.  Don't lose your heroes ladies.   You'll regret it for the rest of your life.

I believe that relationships travel in directions.  They can travel in a positive direction or a negative direction.   Look at your own. Seriously...  Let's not look at Lars, this is not about me.  Think of yourself. 

Think of someone you are close to.  OK, got them in your head?  Are you in a positive or negative place?  If it is a good place then you are spiraling in a positive direction.  It's that simple.  But what if things are not so good.  When things are not in a good place, you have to fix it.  One or both of you must stop the negative spiral.   And the momentum of that negative may be great, or just somewhat.  The worse it is, the more effort you will need to take to stop that spiral from heading further and further down the chute.  Imagine, you are in a cone, you are spiraling down like a marble.  The further down you go, the harder it is to stop that momentum and there is less room to move and make things right.

Bummer eh?  But here is the good news. Because this analogy is so easy to follow, all you need to do is go forward on fixing your spiral.  And remember, when you do fix it, you have to nurture that positive spiral.  Good luck!  Knowing where you are in life is half the battle of knowing how to get where you want to be!

And remember my motto, "If you never quit, you get there."  It goes hand in hand with, "The journey is the reward."

Oh, yes.  The beauty of a kiss.  Do you close your eyes, do you open them?  Honestly, I don't have a preference.  There is only one thing that matters, the passion, the sincerity behind it.  And what I love most about a kiss it that it really does tell you if someone cares. The kiss they offer shares the truth of ...   more »