I had an argument once with a lover.  I have to tell you she was the first woman in years to provoke me into telling her what I thought of her.  Not how I viewed her on a whole but those little idiosyncrasies that if you mentioned, would hurt their feelings.   You know... those little things that annoy you about the person you are with, but you just don't say.  You find yourself just eating resentment for the sake of a safe relationship.   Well during what appeared a permanent break up  she broke me down or I just didn't care...  I let her have it.  Verbally.  I told her most every little thing that was wrong with her. Let also repeat, she provoked me.  Was I wrong to react? Absolutely but I should also be understood that I didn't draw first blood. It was her that said some ugly things meant to be cruel and inflict emotional pain.  One could argue that what is good enough for the goose is good enough for the gander.   (What's good for a girl is good for a boy).

In retrospect I think, why her?  We all have break ups.  Ninety-Nine Percent of mine are amicable.  Why then with the few others I've had unflattering break-ups with  had I chosen this one woman to insult?  To be dead honest, the reason I came to accept it,  is that in some of those break-ups I was the one being dumped.  I was the one that deserved better than to be insulted on the way out and instead of reacting, I responded without counter-attacking. I walked away without uttering a negative word.  But on the occasion I'm speaking of I lost some self-respect.   It was only so long that I could be a 'nice' guy before I finally cracked.  She was the unfortunate recipient of my ire.  Having said this, I could been more venomous with my words.  I  was restrained, but for all my restraint I'm left with this one fact.  I can't take those words back.  I believe I said them because I felt I wouldn't have to reconsider my words.   Still, I didn't need to worry in the past either yet I kept my trap shut.  

Of course in today's world, women don't fight fair either.  You can hold the winning hand of righteousness but proclaim it and they'll fight dirty for the sake of winning. It almost makes no sense.  I think that's another reason I'm motivated to just know what I know and leave unscathed.   Before I was married, I dated a girl that I caught cheating.  My friend called me from the restaurant telling me I should come see for myself.  When I did, I sat down and said, "Did I catch you at a bad time?"  Her reaction?  Days later she started calling the police accusing me of harassing her.   So even in the right you can find yourself being screwed over.  Better to just move on with the knowledge of being right. So if you women readers think men don't get their fair share of nut-jobs and stalkers... wrong.  I think another reason was I've seen men get run over by game playing and once again I let myself react as I felt like it was time a guy didn't just 'take it'.

But what if you get into an argument (the two of you) and she unleashes words on you that frankly surprise you.   Here is the catch.  As I said, we men know to bite our tongue.  At least this one does.  I'm telling you I could destroy a woman's self esteem in a heartbeat if I wanted to.   But I've done the opposite.  I recall a woman that loved me, I had to say something completely out-of-character to give her reason to break it off with me so she could have closure.  Call me diabolical, but she's happy now and I'm happy to say she didn't stalk me because I broke it off with her.  Instead she got to feel great about herself keeping her self-esteem. 

After all so many women are insecure without reason.  Especially the pretty ones.  If a man commented on the smallest of flaws, a woman will carry that hate for life.   Sure the same is said during serious relationships and marriages with the age old, "You look fat in that dress" which is open code for "I find you less attractive, but you got me now and don't give a enough of a shit to take better care of yourself".  No.  Men don't cross that bridge.  It's a warning every father hands down to every son.  If you want to continue a relationship with a girl, never fall for the fat question. 

So... when it comes to words.  You can never take them back.  So let me get back to my story about this girl.

This girl... 

She and I get into an argument.  She's breaking up with me. Yup, it happens to me too.   She tells me she is 'just not interested' yet is in contact with me daily for weeks.  So of course I'm confused and think, "If you are not interested, what was all the interest for?"  I go with my instinct which tells me she's conflicted and I'm caught in the bull-shit cross fire of her own emotions.  Perhaps I was just a Romeo whose black jeans faded and she wanted to blow me off easy.

Now if you know me, for years I've had a bug up my ass that I won't be used by a woman and more importantly, I'll keep my dignity.  Just this last summer I broke it off with someone that was in my opinion a very self absorbed prima donna.  She was furious with me for not wanting her.  She told me how much of 'a find' she was and that I was stupid for not wanting her.   Well, she trashed me in e-mails telling me I wasn't boyfriend material anyway among other inane comments that contradicted what she wanted.  She wanted me and when I wanted out her reaction was to attack.  What did I do in response?  I kept my trap shut.  I danced my little dance and picked up the pieces.  I moved on with integrity.   This is NOT easy.  For so many times I had done the right thing... I still think about the one time I screwed up.  I burned a bridge that I may never need to cross, but I burned it none-the-less.

In the end, I look at my responses in the past and my reactions in the past.  It was wrong of me to react to this girl. 

Was their any difference in my life based on my responses verse reactions?  In common vernacular the question is, "Did I pay a price for using harsh words verses walking away and not telling women what was wrong with them? ..Or how they screwed up with me or what I found unattractive and why I didn't want to be with them?"

No.  No difference.  I could have walked away kindly or set the world afire. It turns out it didn't matter either way.  But these two things are true. 

One I lost some self respect.
Two, I burned a bridge. 

Those are the two lessons of this story.